Smoke and Nosebleeds
by evalia godot
Summary: For love or vengeance? DeathNote, MattxOC
1. Chapter 1

As Audrey peered dismally past the fingerprints on the fogged glass of the bus window, she felt absolutely nothing significant. Only two words formed and repeated themselves, and only those two words made sense.

Vitamin K.

With a sigh, Audrey began to dig in her bag for the graham crackers she had tossed in earlier. Her fingers toppled clumsily over packages of gum, cigarettes, and other various things before landing with a satisfying crinkle on what could only be her beloved crackers. She tore the package open neatly at the seam.

They'd always given her graham crackers; as far back as she could remember. As a child, Audrey would sit against the wall, always by the same window, and munch almost timidly on the sweet, sugary crackers, wiping off occasional drops of blood with the back of her small hand from under her nose.

"Darling, darling Audrey," the pleasant older gentleman with glasses would say as he patted Aubrey's dark auburn hair, smoothing the unruly waves and curls under his aged hands. "A little vitamin K will slow those nosebleeds." She would look up at him with those wide silvery-gray eyes of hers, and smile a small smile as she took the crackers from the lovely old man.

Now, on this bus to nowhere especially particular, Watari's voice brought her barely a quarter of the comfort it used to provide. Perhaps it was the dreary sky, hailing rain down on the city that dragged up a different voice.

It was always days like today that always reminded her of Matt. Hell, every time she bit into a graham cracker, Audrey would remember how he would lift his head, only for a moment, to snort a laugh at the younger girl, slouched against the wall.

Just because his perfect nose never had a problem bigger than the occasional sneeze. "Damn vitamin K and stupid blood clotting issues…" Audrey mumbled, nibbling the cracker with a dissatisfied sigh.

The older boy was never all that nice to her anyway, but she had learned to digress. After spending her first few months at Whammy's under the watchful eyes of Watari, Audrey befriended a small, pale boy who, much like herself, rather enjoyed the spot by the window. She was standoffish of him at first, fearful that one of her sporadic nosebleeds would stain his plain white pajamas.

And while the boy called 'Near' would never say much, Audrey enjoyed the quiet of his company. The two passed their time toying with puzzles and other random playthings that Near seemed to just pull out of thin air. Every day, they would meet by the same window, he with a different toy tucked under his arm each time, she with the same shy smile. Near would sit either next to or facing young Audrey, one knee tucked into his chest, the other underneath of his small body. On bright days, the sun would sparkle in his pastel hair, which he would twirl around one of his nimble fingers. He looked almost extraterrestrial at times, so lovely and thoughtful that it should have been impossible or illegal.

Yet tucked away behind one of her many books, Audrey could never feel jealousy toward the softness that was Near's ever so placid demeanor. She found herself only able to respect her companion, to admire and revere him as their days went by. Near was her one true friend at the house of Whammy's. He defended her endlessly when her blood would refuse to clot and her nose would bleed rather horridly into her pale fingers; when Matt would lift his head from his handheld video game to let a snide remark slide from his insipid lips while another boy with short, blond hair and rather sinister eyes would join in the amusement. Near would merely mumble something amazingly witty in that gentle voice of his that would send Matt and Mello into a stunned silence for a brief and shining moment.

A slight taste of distain crept into Audrey's mouth as the memory of Mello's face came to mind. Now that boy was a creature that hell itself wouldn't take, she was sure of it. Oh, how she remembered hoping he would just once choke on his laughter and chocolate. The thought seemed to please her, even now. It amazed her that Matt could be such a good friend to Mello – surely any sane person would have given up on such a lost soul. Or perhaps that was just her distaste for the young man getting the better of her. But Matt's dedication almost made her sick. It disgusted her to see the way he would hang on every word, eager to help, to serve. Like a puppy.

Or maybe she hated that Matt's attention only turned to her when she was doing something horribly embarrassing. Audrey felt the bus pull to a stop. She wiped away at the foggy window with the sleeve of her coat, peering around to find herself in an unfamiliar part of town. Nonetheless, she could find her way. Walking would give her a chance to clear her head. The rain had stopped, leaving the city streets dark and littered with washed up garbage.

Audrey's grimy Converse shoes dragged her weary feet along the pavement of the sidewalk. Her hands were shoved deep into the pockets of her coat, eyes trained on the cracks and dirt of the ground beneath her. She watched the brief, occasional glow of a streetlamp glisten over the wet pavement, thinking few thoughts of a significant source, not even bothering to wonder where she was just yet. Every now and then, a car would whiz by, but she paid no mind when they would spray water over her feet.

Looking up to find herself completely and shamelessly lost in a busier part of town, Audrey decided to sit and wait at the nearest bus stop. She could see the small, glassed structure sitting on the corner of the street, up ahead, looking lonesome as ever in the aftermath of the rain. She walked briskly, suddenly wondering how badly her auburn locks had frizzed in the static-y, damp air. Thankfully, the bench under the glass covering was dry, and Audrey sat down gratefully, only just realizing that her legs were throbbing in disagreement to her sudden vigorous walk.

Her chest heaved a heavy sigh as she stretched her slender legs out, preparing to wait. Audrey began digging around her bag again, her slight fingertips flitting over the assorted contents briefly before landing on her package of cigarettes. No sooner had she pulled one out and made to put it to her lips did the rumble of the bus shake her to awareness. Audrey pushed herself off of the bench, tucking the cigarette back into its place, and stepped lightly onto the bus.

"Before you put those away, mind if I steal one?" The voice from behind her piqued her ears more than her interest, and without a glance, she extended a cigarette over her shoulder and made her way to an empty seat. The bus began to move, and Audrey began to go over in her head just where she was, or where she could end up. This bus route, she was sure, would end a block away from her apartment complex. From there, she would walk home, smoking her cigarette before crawling into her worn out futon to sleep restlessly, tormented by dreams of vivid color and nonsense until she would wake in the middle of the night to drink coffee and refuse sleep for the remaining hours of darkness. And she would be okay with that; abandoning hopes of easy sleep to read or draw was something she thought almost fondly of.

For fact, Audrey wondered why she slept at all. So much more was accomplished in her waking hours, and sleep seemed rather irrelevant as it were. The bus squealed to a stop, and Audrey looked up to find herself in the intersection of more familiar roads. She exited the bus, greeted by the scent of cigarette smoke that was carried on a soft breeze. "Thanks for the cancer." The same voice struck a different chord as it was tossed over the man's slender shoulder in a careless, familiar manner. Audrey found herself unable to move.


	2. Chapter 2

Audrey shook her head, as if it would help, and watched the smoke swirl in the air over the head of the retreating figure that was her long-lost childhood nemesis. The proper thing to do would have been to run the opposite direction, but as fate had it, he was walking in the same direction she would soon be heading. If only she could force her feet to move. Light began to blind her peripherals, but all she saw was Matt's red hair, swaying gently with his loping stride. A loud, blaring horn, followed by quickly fading shouts of profanity jerked her brain to awareness, and with a sharp, squealing gasp, she scuttled out of the street. Unable to read her own expression, Audrey shoved her hands deeper into her pockets and began to walk, focusing on keeping her pace unhurried and as fearless as possible. _Why was he here? _she wondered, exposing her hand to the cold to push her dark hair out of her face. Maybe this would be her only chance to confront him. Maybe if she ran a little, she could catch up to him and see why his sudden presence had come about. Or maybe he would turn to next corner and be gone from her life all over again, like the day he left Whammy's.

Home was a tall, narrow apartment building that seemed to be falling apart more and more with every passing day. Audrey approached it quietly; as if afraid she would be discovered lurking in the shadows. She leaned a shoulder on the crumbly brick wall, watching as Matt continued walking down the trash-filled street. She knew he wouldn't turn around, as he never was the type to look back, but nonetheless, she found herself hoping against hope that he would anyways. Audrey heaved her chest in a heavy sigh as Matt turned the corner at the end of the street. Instead of moving immediately, she closed her eyes, face to the dark sky, and forced herself to take in a lungful of the cold night air, trying to convince herself it wouldn't have mattered anyway. She forced her lethargic legs to move to the door to the building and began dragging herself up the 150 steps to her cramped apartment. It was always 150 steps, and it always would be. There was never any point in counting, but Audrey did it anyway. Perhaps the numbers gave her mind something else to think of for a moment.

Fumbling with the keys in her cold fingers, Audrey managed to open the corroded lock of her apartment. She stepped sleepily into the darkness, peeling off her coat and dropping it by the door, where she knew there would be a chair. Kicking her shoes off along the way, she fumbled for her futon, relishing the idea of a cigarette once she lay down. Her living quarters certainly were small enough, smaller than she realized in the darkness, and her shin connected with the base of the futon with a soft thud. Audrey didn't have time to think to stifle herself before she let out a rather loud "Fuck!" while grabbing at her leg and falling onto the futon, dropping her bag in the process.

Groaning through yet another sigh as she heard the contents clatter over the cold floor, Audrey rolled to her side to feel around for the carton of cigarettes, now frustrated with more thoughts than ever bouncing around her head. Her fingers landed on the carton, and she pulled out a cigarette, reaching into the pocket of her jeans for a lighter. Lying on her back, she put the cigarette to her lips and took a long drag, holding the smoke in. She angrily pushed it through her lips with an irritated groan. Why was he here?! What possible business could he have here? Maybe she was self-centered to think for even a fleeting second that he had come for her, but of course, Audrey knew better. The day Matt left Whammy's was the last he'd spoken to her, and even then it was a simple "See ya, kid", tossed carelessly over his shoulder on his way out.

She wanted to see him. She wanted answers. She wanted him to leave. Audrey sat up suddenly, flying off of her sofa, grabbing her bag off of the floor without putting everything back in it, throwing her coat on, and had her hand on the door knob when she realized she was being an idiot. There had to be a smarter way to go about this, as she was insistent. Standing dejectedly by the door, Audrey flipped on the light. Her arm flopped to her side. There had to be another way around this. There always is.

Audrey sank to the floor in front of her purses spilled contents, shrugging out of her coat and leaving it where it landed. She picked a graham cracker out of it torn package and nibbled it somewhat grumpily, tossing assorted things back into her bag.

A flickering light caught her attention. Audrey looked up from her mess on the floor, her eyes scrolling up and widening as they took in the flaming curtain. And then her brain understood what her eyes saw. Audrey jumped to her feet, looking about frantically for something to smother the fire with, and finding nothing, she let out a whimper, flying to put on her shoes. She tied the Chucks quicker than she'd ever tied anything before in her life, and ran to the window, stomping on the long drapery to no avail. Audrey let out a sharp, shrieking gasp as a loud _fwoam!_ of fire traveled from the trashed sketching paper crumpled and scattered on the floor to catch the other set of drapes aflame. She now stood in front of a wall of fire, and Audrey was completely scared out of her wits. She scurried back to her bag on the floor, shoving anything she could into it with a quick vigor, now coughing and blurry-eyed from the increasing amount of smoke. Audrey could feel her pale skin growing hotter, and with quick glances over her shoulder, she saw the fire growing quickly, spreading to her futon. Audrey tried to breathe a little deeper to calm herself as she scrambled to her feet, but the smoke was only getting thicker, and the only words that ran coherently through her panicked head was Vitamin K. She bolted to the cabinet, tore it open, and grabbed a box of graham crackers. Turing as quickly as she could manage, she made to run to the door. In all of Audrey's graceful glory, the toe of her shoe caught on the rug, and she fell face first, dropping her crackers and her consciousness.


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, fangirls. Here comes some Matt! More to come with the next chapter, of course, but you know, a little incentive (coughREVIEWS!cough) never hurt the process. (: Enjoy!

"Yes, everything… I know… yes, I'll have her soon." Audrey's eyes were fuzzy when she blinked them open, searching for the soft voice speaking seemingly to itself. A pleasant old man was sitting up straight in a wooden chair that was placed off to the side of the hospital bed she was heaped in. He clicked his cell phone shut and smiled at her. Audrey looked around herself, realizing she clearly was not at home. The hospital room was pure white, smelling of a mixture of bleach and antiseptic. The scent burned in her nose; Audrey was never a fan of hospitals. "Dear, dear Audrey." The kind man said gently. Audrey tried to sit herself up on her elbows, but with a sudden rush of blood to her head, she only fell back against the colorless pillows. The old man extended a tissue between two of his slender fingers. Audrey shot her hand up to cover her face out of habit, trying to smile graciously and take the tissue with her other hand in the same moment. Her smile came out shy and slightly awkward, despite her efforts. She wiped at her nose, crumpling the tissue in her hand. "Thank you… Watari." He beamed at her; Audrey laughed quietly. She ruffled her hair uncertainly, feeling the increasing need to get herself together as she continued to look at the prim, pressed old man. But he only smiled kindheartedly.

"So why are you here, Watari?" She asked curiously, hardly fathoming that he was there in front of her so suddenly and out of the blue. However, her memory had hardly caught up with her, and she hadn't the mind at the moment to wonder of who or why. Watari chuckled softly, digging in his jackets pocket for a moment. He pulled out a small package and slid it toward her over the covers. Audrey looked up with a smile. "You remember." Watari nodded only once, still smiling quietly, as Audrey reached forward to grab the graham crackers. She sat back once more, opening the package neatly, waiting expectantly for Watari to answer her question.

"I'm not sure if you're aware, Audrey, but your apartment has… been completely destroyed." Audrey's mouth went slightly slack on the cracker she was chewing.

The fire. She smacked herself on the forehead, worsening a headache she hadn't acknowledged before then. "It… saddens me to tell you that not much was recovered. Of course, you won't be able to return there, but that's not a completely terrible thing, as it stands." Memories came back in broken bits and pieces: Matt, cigarette, stupidity, heat… She looked up at Watari, slightly aghast. "Well…" She drawled slowly, "I was a few months behind on my rent anyways." Audrey laughed dryly. Watari nodded. "But all is well, dear Audrey. Arrangements have already been made. We may leave as soon as you feel up to it." Audrey knew jumping to her feet would likely cause her to faint due to the blood rush, so she merely nodded with a slight downward jerk of her chin and half- smiled.

"I've already gathered the things you had in that bag of yours there," Watari gestured towards the floor. Audrey followed his motions to find her purse lying against the legs of his wooden chair. "You'll be comfortable, once you get settled. Damages are being taken care of, so you needn't worry of that." Audrey sat up in the gurney, crossing her legs Indian-style and leaning her arms over knees. "But where exactly are we going to go?" she asked, biting her lip indecisively.

Watari laughed heartily. "Why, home, of course. Just as soon as you feel able." Audrey tossed the covers off of herself, throwing them aside. She slid out of the bed, purposely slowing herself, and stood in front of Watari. Audrey shrugged her petite shoulders with a slight air of victory. "I'm able." She smiled. Watari shook his head, laughing quietly. "You're wearing a hospital gown." Audrey gaped for a moment, opening and closing her mouth with words on her tongue, but nothing to say. Watari reached down, grabbing her bag and holding it out to her. "I believe what you're looking for may have made its way in here." She smiled at him genially, grateful that she would soon be able to cover her thin, pale legs. "I'll be right outside, once you are ready." Watari smiled at her kindly, seemingly taking in the sight of her, and turned to leave.

Digging in her bag, Audrey found only one pair of jeans swamped in with other various items of clothing. She pulled them on with a rather excited feeling beginning to grow throughout her. Smiling, she threw on her coat and ran her fingers through her disorderly auburn hair, almost running out the door to meet Watari, slinging her bag over her shoulder along the way.

Watari returned her eager smile as she appeared around the corner, and gestured for her to go first, out of the big glass doors. "I've already checked you out. Your test results indicated no sign of smoke damages, by the by." Audrey nodded her head, filling her lungs with the fresh, cold air as they stepped outside. Her eyes landed on a sleek black car, parked on the curb. "Geeze, Watari, do you always bring the Secret Service?" she commented with a laugh. "Never travel unprotected." he humored her. With a swoop of his hand, Watari opened the door and waved for her to climb in. Audrey curtseyed with a false sense of grace before slipping into the car. Watari followed, shutting the door behind himself. The car lurched away from the curb. The tinted windows made it impossible for Audrey to see outside. Watari smiled down at her; even with age, he was still a good foot taller than she. "You've grown up, dear Audrey." He said, with his kind, fatherly voice. Audrey looked down at her folded hands, smiling sheepishly. She shrugged her slender shoulders, looking over at him. "Yeah, I guess so." Watari laughed softly. "And not changed one bit." He said, still chuckling. "Near will be very pleased to see you again."

Audrey almost jumped out of her seat. "Near?!" she exclaimed. "We're going to see Near?" She clutched at Watari's arm excitedly. He nodded, smiling wider. "Near has extended a room of his suite to you for as long as you need it. Your company will be welcome, your latest debts taken care of. He's expecting you with great anticipation." Audrey sat back in her chair with a smile of giddy disbelief. She was going to see Near; her very best childhood friend. "God, what's he like now?" Audrey said aloud, more to herself than Watari. He answered anyway. "Oh, not much different than you probably remember him." Watari chuckled with a knowing smile.

The car pulled to a stop. Watari perked up, "Ahh, we've arrived!" Audrey pushed her ever-pesky hair from her face. She climbed out of the car after Watari, shielding her eyes from the sun to look up at the tall, glossy building. _Definitely much newer than my apartment,_ she thought with a half a smile. "Welcome to your new home." Watari ushered her forward.

Audrey looked up at the building as they walked toward it. Near was somewhere inside, she knew. She was positively bubbling with anticipation when they entered the large double doors.

The first thing her eyes met was the last thing she expected: leaning his arms against the front desk was a lithe body dressed in an unmistakable attire – a tan, fuzzy vest, worn and faded blue jeans, a striped, long-sleeved undershirt… but the vibrant red hair topped with goggles was the clincher. Audrey felt her heart shudder, sink, and fly in the same instant. She tugged at Watari's sleeve. "Why is Matt here?" Watari stepped in front of Audrey. "A better question would be, 'How did he find his way?'"

From the sound of his voice, it was clear Matt was speaking forcibly calm through gritted teeth. "You have to let me speak to someone." Audrey could see his knuckles turn white from gripping the edge of the desk. The slim, blond woman sitting behind the desk scrutinized Matt with a gaze that would force Audrey to look away. Matt met her stare, returning it fiercely. The woman stood up swiftly, her bangs bobbing into her narrowed eyes. "No one here owes you anything. If you do not leave promptly, I will have someone remove you." The woman spoke with a harsh, cool tone. With a snarl, Matt turned away from her. His eyes widened when they landed on Watari, who was still standing half-way in front of Audrey protectively. She watched Matt's face as his eyes slid down to hers. His mouth went slightly slack at the sight of her.


	4. Chapter 4

I've had this chapter ready for a while now. :P Thanks to everyone who's reviewing, it makes me all giddy inside. :D Its gonna pick up soon after this, so no worries, more Matt in the next chapter. ^o^-

It was a few moments before it registered to Matt whom he was looking at. Audrey's gray eyes were wide, darting all over him. Her dark reddish-brown hair was still as wavy as he remembered; it was just longer now, reaching slightly past her chest. She licked her lips nervously, drawing his attention to the lovely curves of her mouth, to the slight rosy color… Matt shook his head, straightening to turn his attention to Watari. "Hello, Mail." Watari addressed him formally. "Let's stick with 'Matt', eh, old man?" Watari raised a single eyebrow at the abrasive young man that was walking toward them with his hands in the pockets of his jacket. Matt stopped in front of Audrey. She bit her lip, looking up at him for no more than a second before dropping her eyes, only to let them return to his face to repeat the process again. He laughed quietly, dryly. "Thanks again for the cancer stick, Audrey." The last thing he saw before he breezed past them was her dark eyes widening.

"It appears his memory is better than his manners." Watari mumbled, moving forward, clearly disregarding what Matt had actually said. Audrey followed him up to the front desk, slightly in shock of what had just happened – still in disbelief that Matt actually was standing right in front of her just a moment ago, peeling her apart with those intense eyes of his… "I suspect he'll be back, Ms. Linder." Watari spoke to the blond woman behind the counter. She nodded, straightening some papers and standing. Drawn to her full height, she was almost as tall as Watari, which meant she would tower over Audrey with a model-esque grace. Audrey rubbed at her arm as the woman spoke. "Yes, I suspect he will. But no matter how many times he comes around, giving him what he wants would be impossible… not to mention completely brainless." Watari made a face of agreement, and it became apparent to Audrey that they knew something she did not. Watari said goodbye to Ms. Linder and guided Audrey to the elevator. "Our floors are the three at the top. Your room will be in the middle floor. Near's only request is that you do not go into the third floor, but other than that, you are free to come and go as you please." Watari smiled down at her before continuing, pressing a button on the wall of the elevator. "Near is expecting you. However, I feel I must tell you, he's not one for talking much. Near is… very busy." Audrey nodded in understanding. "He never was one for talking. I suppose it'll just be nice to see an old friend. I have to thank him for all of this."

The elevator dinged, announcing its arrival. The doors slid open to reveal a sleek, open space. Long windows covered one of the walls completely. The room was sparsely furnished with luxurious chairs, surrounding a coffee table in front of a large fireplace to her right. Off to her left, her eyes landed on none other than Near, sitting with one knee tucked up in a wooden chair. His dark eyes lifted to meet Audrey's, a small smile threatening to tug at his pale lips.

Audrey couldn't stop herself from smiling widely. "Hello, Near!" she bubbled through a laugh. Near twirled his ivory hair around his agile fingers, losing the fight with his smile. "Audrey." He spoke her name softly, as if reminding his tongue that he knew the word. "Welcome." As she began to walk toward him, a man pulled up a chair beside Near. She sat down, folding one leg underneath of herself. Near smiled slightly. "You've not changed a bit." His voice was as soft as she'd remembered it. "Still wearing those white pajamas, I see?" Audrey said through a laugh. Near looked down almost sheepishly at her friendly remark, nodding. "They're most comfortable." He responded. There was a moment of silence, the two friends taking in he others presence. Audrey decided she needed to know something.

"How was it that you… found me? And knew about my apartment?" Audrey tilted her head as she spoke the questions, Near noticed. Always a tick of hers, since they were children. "Watari always keeps tabs on the children of Whammy's. He listed himself as an immediate contact in all of your records, so when you were checked into the hospital, he was notified and on his way immediately. From there, he was told everything by a nurse that was all too eager to gossip." Audrey nodded her head when Near had fallen silent. "Keeps tabs on everyone?" she puzzled. Near nodded his head. "All of the… important ones, at least."

Audrey pressed her lips together. _Meaning he wouldn't know of Matt's intentions… _she found herself thinking. Near continued tugging at his hair. "It's very nice to have you here, Audrey. No thanks are required – I must be getting back to headquarters. Watari, may you show Audrey to her room?" Near and Watari stood at the same time. Watari moved forward, motioning for Audrey to follow him. She looked from the old man to Near. She and Near were still about the same height, she noticed with a smile. She fought the urge to hug the small young man. Near nodded his goodbye with a small smile at Audrey, who watched him walk away before turning to Watari. He had already grabbed up her only bag and was waiting patiently for her to follow suit.

With a final look around, Audrey followed Watari back to the elevator. They moved up a floor in a matter of seconds. Watari handed Audrey her bag with a smile. "Its there, on the left." He pointed down the brightly lit hallway. Audrey looked up at Watari. "Thank you." He smiled, the laugh lines on his face crinkling. "You'll find your room has already been stocked." The elevator doors began to close. Audrey turned on her heel to face the door Watari had indicated to.

She opened the door with her free hand, stepping inside and feeling the wall for a switch. Audrey took in her surroundings when light flooded the room. A decent sized bed was on the wall to her right, made up with fresh linens and topped with pillows. A desk was pushed against the wall straight ahead of her; the wall itself was a huge window, overlooking the city. Audrey laughed softly, shutting the door. "Near always comes through for me." She dropped her bag to the floor and made her way to the bed, falling into it with a happy sigh. _Certainly more comfortable than the old futon. _

Audrey noticed that under the desk on the far wall was a miniature refrigerator. Beside it, a shelf, stocked to the brim with graham crackers. On the side table by her bed, she saw, was an envelope. Audrey sat up, looking quizzically at the packet. Her name was written in a lovely cursive across the front. She reached for it, opening it with interest. She turned it upside down, letting the contents fall onto the bed. A neat stash of money, held together with a clip, and a handwritten letter landed in the clean blanket. She gasped lightly, quite shocked at the large sum of money in front of her, and picked up the letter.

_Audrey, my home is open to you for as long as you desire. I hope the room is to your liking. If you require anything further, feel free to call Watari, via the phone on your desk. You're welcome to come and go as you please, so long as you stay clear of the top floor. It's truly nice to have you here, and I look forward to your presence in my home._

Signed, Near. Audrey smiled, folding the paper and returning it to the envelope. With a sigh, she looked out the large window. Night had fallen over the city. Somehow, Audrey was tried. She could go shopping tomorrow and try to rebuild her wardrobe. The day's events had been nothing short of… out of the ordinary, to say the least. Audrey sprawled out on the bed, too tired to reach for a cigarette or climb under the covers.


	5. Chapter 5

And here, my dear readers, is where it begins to pick up. (: I loved writing this chapter. But I'd love lots of reviews too! Enjoy!

_Damn these wide windows, and their lack of curtains! _ The instant Audrey's eyes fluttered open, her immediate instinct was the slam them shut again. With a groan, she rolled over onto her stomach, covering her head with a pillow. Audrey was none too pleased with the afternoon sunshine streaming into her room, spilling onto the gleaming wood floors and filling every whitewashed corner. Grumbling, she sat up and slid her feet out of the warm comfort of the bed. The sheets pooled around her as she ran her fingers through her dark hair, which was curled and knotted with the sweat of restless sleep. Audrey forced her body to a more vertical position, giving herself a brief once-over. With a shrug, she decided that what she had fallen asleep in would suffice until she had had some breakfast and found the energy to put thought into her appearance.

Stepping out of her bedroom, Audrey made a mental note to put curtains at the top of her shopping list. The main rooms of the second floor were dark; all of the shutters and curtains drawn. Audrey heaved a slight sigh of relief, feeling her eyes adjust to their preferred surroundings. "Ahh, good morning, Audrey." Watari's voice was pleasant behind his newspaper. "Morning, Watari." She yawned.

"There's tea, if you'd like." Watari peeked over his paper, raising his eyebrows slightly. Audrey sat down on the sofa adjacent to the chair Watari was in, folding her legs under herself and accepting the cup of tea Watari gestured to. She smiled, reaching for the tray of cream and sugar cubes that sat on the ottoman, grabbing a handful of the sugar cubes and dropping them in one by one as she sat back against the couch. Watari smiled, shaking his head slightly. The newspaper went back up. Audrey sipped her tea quietly, quite enjoying the comfortable silence.

"I think I'll go out today, Watari. That blindingly bright bedroom of mine is in desperate need of curtains." Audrey said through a small smile. Watari looked up again, his eyes peering over the top of the paper again. "Surely, we could find something suitable around here?" Audrey raised her teacup to her mouth, taking a sip before responding. "I'd like to explore, actually, if it's alright. I'm not exactly… sure of where I am. I also need some new clothes," she laughed. "I can't live in this forever." Watari joined her soft laughter as she motioned to the worn jeans and t-shirt she was wearing for the second day in a row.

Finally, he nodded his head a put the paper back up. From where she was sitting, Audrey could make out the headlines through the darkness. _"Kira death-tolls soar" _wasthe uppermost one. Dropping another sugar cube into her tea, Audrey leaned forward on her knees to get a better look at the paper. The case had been the furthest thing from her mind for quite some time, only crossing her thoughts when she heard the whispers lining the street with the garbage. It occurred to her then that that must be what Near was doing. In only her second day in his home, she had not seen him but once, and Watari did say he was "working". Of course, it made perfect sense that he would be investigating the murderer. Audrey, on the other hand, had never been much for detective work. As much as she would love to offer her help, she knew it would be useless – her place was very much so not in the same realm as Near's.

"Perhaps you'd like me to draw up some maps for you, Audrey?" Watari said from behind his paper. Audrey's head jerked to attention. "Mm, no thank you, Watari. I think I'll be alright."

"It would be no trouble, really. We can't have you getting lost." His eyes were heavy with concern as they peered over the newspaper at her, his eyebrows lowered. Audrey shook her head slightly. "It's quite alright, truly. I'm sure I'll be able to manage." She saw his shoulders shrug slightly at her small smile, as if to say 'Have it your way, then.' Agreement brought back the silence.

"Well, thank you for the tea, Watari. I think I'll get ready now." Audrey stood up, tucked one ankle behind the other in a graceless curtsey, and left the room to Watari's soft chuckles. Her bedroom was a bright contrast to the darkness of the living area, and she stood in the doorway, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment before moving to sift through her bag.

Dumping the contents on the bed, Audrey saw that she had very little to work with. A pair of black leggings laced their way through various t-shirts and sweaters; she pulled them from the stack. Grabbing a tank-top and a sweater and not particularly caring how they matched, Audrey made her way to the bathroom door across the room from her bed.

The sunshine gleaming off of the crisp white tiles made her want to crawl under a rock. Drapery, heavy drapery, was most certainly in order. She set her clothes down on the shining countertop and slid open the glass shower door. The silver of the shower head was as pristine as the rest of the bathroom, holding the sweet promise of soothing hot water. She turned the knob and undressed quickly.

It felt amazing to wash her hair. Steam clouded the entire bathroom. Audrey stood under the streaming how water with a small smile on her face.

When she forced herself to get out, she wrapped herself in a fluffy towel that was hung on the silver rack next to the shower. She dressed hastily, finding the air much colder than the water had been. By the time Audrey had tugged the sweater over he shoulders and tied her shoes, her hair was fairly dry. With a last minute glance around her room, she picked up her envelope and flew out the door almost giddily.

"I won't be too late, Watari!" She called over her shoulder as she flew out the door. How long had it been since she'd been outside? Days? Hours? The air was crisp, the sky a brighter blue than she'd ever remembered. Audrey set out at a brisk pace, hands shoved deep into her pockets, face turned up to the sunshine.

She bounced from shop to shop until the sun was hanging low in the sky. Audrey was headed in what she thought was the way home when a small café tucked away between bigger buildings caught her eyes. Readjusting her shopping bags, she jetted across the street. Bells chimed happily when she pushed open the door; the rich scent of coffees and teas filled her nostrils. She could already taste it.

"One coffee, please." Audrey said to the man behind the counter when he smiled and asked for her order. The transaction ended, and he pointed her to the counter with creamers and sugars. Audrey breathed in deeply, half tempted to just drink it black.

After dropping in four sugar cubes, Audrey sat down in a plush couch by a window off in the far corner. The streets outside bustled with people, some with bags, others with briefcases. She held the coffee cup between her gloved hands, letting it warm her fingers through.

She didn't realize she had seated her self across from someone else until harsh cursing was barely audible from behind a laptop. Audrey looked up, in spite of herself.

The goggles were pulled down over Matt's eyes. He was slumped in the chair on the other side of the small coffee table, hunched over the laptop. Audrey felt her mouth fall open slightly as her instinct told her to run before she made a bumbling idiot of herself.

Matt looked up as if he had heard Audrey's thoughts running and banging around in her head. He found himself smiling slightly at the deer-in-the-headlights expression she couldn't put away quite fast enough. Audrey closed her mouth and cleared her throat.

"Uhm, hi there." She said uncertainly with a slight wave of her hand. Matt leaned back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest. "Hi there." He repeated her greeting back to her. Audrey wanted to tell him to wipe that smug look off of his face. Instead, she sat up a little straighter with a graceful smile.

She shifted in her chair, feeling slightly awkward under his stare, waiting for him to speak.

"Why are you here, Audrey?" The way he said her name made her want to evaporate with the steam of her coffee. She felt her toes curl anxiously. "I'm, uh, living in town." Audrey took a slow sip of coffee, figuring it was better than saying too much. Matt nodded his head, as if considering her response. _As if,_ Audrey reminded herself. He was probably still the cruel kid that picked on her all throughout her childhood. She refused to fall into a pile of mush just because he was smiling at her. Why was he smiling at her?

Audrey shook her head, taking a deep breath through her mouth. "What about you? What brings you around here?" Matt laughed once and looked past her, out the window. "Business." _A typical Matt response. _Audrey found it irritating that he hadn't changed a bit, and that he now wasn't looking her in the eyes. She cocked an eyebrow at him.

"What have you been up to, Audrey? It's been a long time since Whammy's." Matt reached up as he spoke and pulled the goggles from his eyes, letting them hang around his slender neck. Audrey shrugged. "A little of this, a little of that." She took a small mouthful of her coffee. The fact that it scorched her throat didn't even register.

Matt was leaning with his elbows over his knees, the laptop set down on the coffee table between them. With his head tilted downward, his eyes were looking up at her. Audrey felt her insides shudder when he opened his mouth slightly to let out a faint sigh. "You never were one for many details." He said through a slight laugh.

Audrey's lips gave way to a small smile. She looked down. "No, I suppose not."

The corners of Matt's mouth threatened to turn upward at her unnecessary embarrassment. Matt shut his laptop and swiftly shoved it into his bag. "I'm going to walk you home." He said, the conviction in his voice startling Audrey to a greater sense of awareness. "Oh, uhm, alright." Her gray eyes darted for a moment; she stood up a little too quickly. Matt couldn't fight his smile.

"Still as flighty as ever." He mumbled, leading the way out of the coffee shop.


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry it took a little longer than usual, guys. But I really like this chapter! Reviews would make me a squeal like a happy little schoolgirl. :D

Audrey scuttled after his retreating form, making sure not to stumble over the coffee table. The door breezed open with a shove of his pale hand, the bell chiming pleasantly through the dark, cold air. Audrey wrapped her long sweater tighter around herself, adjusting her bags in her hands and taking small, hurried steps to catch up to Matt's long strides.

He was lighting a cigarette when she came up on his side. Audrey bit her lip at the scent of the smoke. Matt took the cigarette out from between his lips and held it over to her, still staring straight ahead. "I owe you." As he spoke, the remnants of smoke drifted out of his mouth. Audrey shook her head and looked away. "I'm trying to quit…" she managed to say, with half the confidence she was hoping for. Matt lifted a shoulder slightly in a shrug and returned the cigarette to his lips.

The streets were lined with the occasional passerby, on their way home in the glow of the late sunset. Audrey shoved her hands in her pockets. "So… what did you do? After you left Whammy's, you know?" She directed her question to the cracks in the ground. She heard him exhale before he answered.

"Eh. Just got a place around here." His voice hardened slightly. "Mello had most of it taken care of for me." For a moment, the only sound was the shuffle of their shoes.

"What about you? What did you do when you got out of Whammy's?" Audrey cleared her throat quietly and looked up to see him eyeing her from her peripherals. They turned a corner. "I left; moved to America. I met a lot of new people, and just kind of… I dunno, just hanged around. Then I came back here, to Japan. I guess I missed it here. I set myself up an apartment, a job, all of that…"

"Yeah, I, uh, heard about your apartment." Audrey looked up at him curiously. Matt laughed dryly. "A twenty-something woman burns down her apartment with a cigarette, it'll be in the papers."

Audrey's mouth made a small O of understanding and acute embarrassment. They turned another corner.

"Here you are, then." Matt gestured to the tall building they were standing in front of. Audrey tore her gaze away from his. She smiled quickly and mumbled a quiet 'thank-you', turning to leave.

Matt watched her enter the building, the cigarette hanging out of his mouth, his hands shoved into his pockets. He sighed her name into the dead night air.

Audrey stepped into the darkness of the second floor with a slight sigh of relief. The main room was empty and she had no idea of time. Reaching her hands out, she made her way to her bedroom down the hall to the right. She flipped on the light and set her bags on the floor. Audrey moved to sit on the edge of her bed, facing the large, open window.

She had forgotten drapes.

The city below was lit up for as far as her eyes could see, an infinite glow of bright colors stretching out to the oceans. Audrey looked around for a moment and grabbed her purse. _So much for kicking the habit…_ she thought as she pulled out the pack of cigarettes. Being around Matt was just… too strange. The way he looked at her seemed to shoot her nerves with a bazooka. She flicked her lighter at the end of her cigarette and inhaled deeply.

The thoughts buzzing through her head dimmed to a manageable hum when her focus shifted the smoke filling her lungs. She was still wondering when she would see him again, even after she put out her cigarette and stripped off her clothes. Audrey crawled under the covers with a slight sigh. She pulled the sheets to her chin, looking out at the full moon over the bright city.

Her eyes fluttered shut.

_She was moving… amazingly slow. She was unsure of whether her feet even touched the ground. Fire… everywhere. Flashes of memory: Dropping her graham crackers, falling off of her bike, blowing out candles… bright, white lights. Blindingly bright lights._

Audrey was awake as suddenly as she had drifted off. She sat up, rubbing at her hair, again cursing herself for forgetting the drapes as the bright sunlight dilated her pupils. She got out of be with the conviction in her head of getting those curtains immediately. "I refuse to wake up with the sun…" she mumbled sleepily, making her way to the bathroom.

She showered and dressed quickly. Watari was seated in his usual chair, reading the morning paper as he did daily, she assumed.

"Watari, where can I get curtains?" She hopped onto the couch, folding her legs under herself in one fell swoop. Watari clucked at her from behind his paper. "Dear Audrey, I'm sure we have some around here." Audrey shook her head and scrunched her nose. "I need the sunlight, Watari." _And Matt. I want to see Matt. _

Watari peered over his paper, looking out of the tops of his steely eyes. He raised an eyebrow slightly. Audrey shifted in her chair. "And the exercise. Do you know of any places?" Watari folded his paper and set it on the coffee table. "There is a reliable shop not too far down the way that specializes in linens of the sort." He gesticulated off to the left with his hand. "You'll find what you need there."

Watari stood up and left the room, probably intent on getting her a map. Audrey took the opportunity to go grab her shoes and jacket. She was tying the laces when he re-emerged, extending a folded sheet of paper to her.

"So you don't get lost." He smiled as she took the papers. She returned his smile with a small one of her own. "Thank you, Watari."

The older gentleman watched her leave the complex with his head tilted to the side. _My, how she had grown,_ he thought to himself with a soft sigh. Watari returned to his chair and picked up his paper.

Audrey glanced down at the map once before folding it a few times and depositing it into her pocket. Though the sun was warming the horizon, the air held a decent chill. Audrey strolled at a leisurely pace down the street.

The coffee shop wasn't as far as she had originally thought. She ordered the same coffee, took it black, and set out again. The city was waking up: people walking dogs, jogging, just all around getting where they needed to be.

Audrey walked with a small smile, sipping her hot coffee and watching as the people breezed by. A large fountain caught her eye, settled in the middle of a grassy green square that was off to the side of the street. She scanned the premises of the park, and when her eyes landed on the swing sets, she took deliberately slow steps, trying not to appear too eager.

She stopped in front of the towering fountain. Her reflection bubbled in the clear water. She tossed a coin into her eyes with a slight shrug. Audrey turned her attention to the empty swings. Of course, it was too early for school children to swarm. She ran her fingers over the cool chain links with a slight smile, sitting with an almost happy sigh.

Digging her heels in, she began to rock back and forth gently. Audrey heard a soft laugh from somewhere behind her.

Matt, hands shoved into the pockets of his vest, was shaking his head and walking toward her. "Maybe its time to grow up." He said with his familiar tone of sarcasm. Audrey looked up at him from over her shoulder. "Oh? Maybe that works for you, but I like the simple things." Matt moved to lean against one of the poles supporting the swing set.

"Why are you out so early?" He tilted his head to the side as he spoke, his red hair falling into his face, moving ever so slightly on a breeze.

Audrey reminded herself to not get distracted so easily. She held up her coffee cup. "Just my daily cup of liquid energy." Matt tried to fight a small laugh. He faced away from her.

Audrey was too much for him. She was no longer the little girl always munching a graham cracker but her wide, silvery eyes still looked right through him, even if her pretty mouth was smiling at him.

He could feel her gaze on his face.

"I guess the shameless staring is something you never grew out of." Audrey's jaw went slightly slack. A vibrant blush crept to her cheeks. Matt chose to ignore it.

"And I suppose you never figured out the whole brain-to-mouth filter business?" Audrey was hoping her remark had come out as witty and sarcastic as she had intended. Matt smirked at her. She hid behind her cup, disguising it with a sip of coffee.

"Why do you always turn up in the most random of places?" Audrey looked down into her coffee. _Anything's better than looking into those condescending eyes of his... _She looked up anyway.

"Why do you always ask pointless questions?"

Matt shrugged. "The only way to learn anything is to ask questions." Audrey tried not to laugh. "Oh, okay. Now you're a philosopher of sorts." Matt scoffed at her, slipping into laughter himself. She was contagious. He was infected.


	7. Chapter 7

Okay, guys, thanks for being patient! This chapter is a little short, I know, but I just wanted to get something out for you all. Here's chapter seven! Reviews make me squeal with fangirl love (:

Audrey's laughter drifted off, and she found herself looking down at her shoes. The morning sun shimmered in her dark auburn hair, light catching in each strand. A small smile played on her lips. For some reason he couldn't place, Matt wanted her to look up at him.

But her gaze was steady on the ground. He suddenly felt so pointless standing there, which he instantly chided himself for. _What does it matter if you're useless to her? Why do you even care?_

Matt cleared his throat and shuffled his feet slightly. What was he waiting for? Her voice? A sign that she hadn't forgotten him? _Anything!_ He sat in the swing next to her in a slightly frustrated manner.

Audrey didn't seem to notice. She was preoccupied with the way his hair fell against the nape of his neck, the way his lips were pressed tightly together, how his eyes refused to glance over.

She wanted him to say something. Why? Why did she even want his attention? Audrey would usually shirk from a stare as intense as Matt's. She wanted him to acknowledge her for more than an embarrassing nosebleed or burned-down apartment.

More than anything, she wanted to break the heavy silence.

"Why were you at Near's complex the other day? You sounded so… angry." Her inquiry certainly captured his attention. Matt jerked his head around as if someone had pulled his ear. "Oh," he said uncertainly. "I didn't intend for anyone to see that. I was just… upset."

Audrey shrugged off his apology. "Upset over what?" Someone had once told her that pressing issues that were clearly touchy was never a good idea.

Someone else had told her to ask questions if she wanted answers.

Matt ran a hand roughly through his hair with a quiet sigh. He looked over at her and spoke very softly. "Mello died, Audrey."

Audrey's eye's widened. Her mouth fell open slightly. She wanted to touch him, to reassure him, but she never was one for words or apologies. She never knew what to say to make someone feel any better about anything. So she settled for squeezing the chain links. Matt slumped his shoulders, propping his elbows on his knees.

"Don't tell me you're sorry." he said quietly, glancing at her from the corner of his eye. Audrey closed her mouth for a moment. "What happened?"

Matt looked her full in the face. Her eyes were the size of the moon. _The same color, too…_ He shrugged and forcibly exhaled. Matt unconsciously began digging in his pockets as he talked in a more assertive tone, a tone he was more comfortable with.

"I think it was Kira." He pulled out a cigarette; lit it. "Only something so… powerful… could have taken him the way he went."

He put the cigarette to his lips and filled his lungs with the forgiving smoke. Audrey couldn't string together one sentence in her head that wouldn't make her look like an idiot. What could she possibly say? _Oh, that sucks. I was never really fond of him anyways._ Yeah, that would bode really well.

Matt was looking at her again, with no real expression evident on his face. He shrugged. "I know he was never all that nice to you, but he was my best friend. He looked out for me, you know?" Matt was talking to his hands, now clasped together. Audrey nodded her head. "I just… don't know what to say." Matt simply shrugged, raising a corner of his mouth to match the action.

"But how would Near be of any help in this case, if you don't mind my asking?"

Their eyes met. Neither looked away. "I know he's investigating Kira." Matt's tone was low, almost secretive. "I know he is. And I need to know that he is going to get to the bottom of it. I need to know if there's anything I can do. I may not be able to bring Mello back, but I can make the bastard who killed him pay."

Audrey shifted in her seat at the sudden flare is his voice. Again, conversation wasn't her strong suit, and she was practically flailing on the inside, praying for a change of topic in a slightly less awkward direction.

_The weather is nice today, don't you think?_ Audrey's voice mocked her from inside of her own head. Matt's eyes grew distant. The park was so quiet, Audrey was sure she could hear the sun rising over the horizon. Matt heaved a sigh, shaking the daze from his head.

Audrey almost felt the relief rush through her body.

"Let's go somewhere." He cocked his head to look at her from behind his goggles. Audrey felt a slight shudder roll throughout. She brushed it off.

It was then that she realized that if silence was golden, then the sound of his voice was… platinum. _Anywhere,_ she stopped herself from saying. Audrey furrowed her brow to the slight taste of annoyance in her mouth. Why was she thinking like this? Why did she care where he went, and why was she so eager to jump up and join him?

_Why, why, why, why, why?! _

_Mental note to Audrey: stand up now and stop staring like an idiot, smack yourself for it later._


	8. Chapter 8

Eeeaaap, slight fluff warning :3 I was positively full of fangirl writing this. And thanks so much for all of the reviews! Happy reading (:

With a little mental coaxing, for the fear of looking like an idiot yet again, Audrey managed to firmly put her feet to the dewy ground and stand with all the awkward grace she imagined a drunken moose might have. His smirk caught her eye, even as he tried to turn away, and her train of thought frittered off into oblivion.

Without waiting to see if she would follow suit, Matt turned heel and began making his way down the street, with risen sun to his back, and when Audrey did pop up beside him, he hid the tugging at the corner of his lips behind a cigarette. The instant he exhaled smoke from his pale, parted lips, Audrey had to bite down on her bottom lip and turn away for two reasons. One, the cigarette smoke that drifted over to her was enough to make her give up her whole cancer-free day, and two, the sight of Matt's slender neck holding up his head as it dropped back so he could blow smoke into the clear morning air was going to drive her insane.

One of the two would have to give, and the cigarette was within reach. When Matt let his hand drop to his side, Audrey reached out and plucked the forgiving cancer stick from his willowy fingers. He whipped his head to her and jerked his hand back. She met his wide-eyed stare with a cool "Relax, Matt. I'm not trying to hold your hand," and smiled on the inside for having said something snappy and witty on the spot. Audrey put the cigarette to her lips and dragged deeply. The feeling of smoked filling every capillary of her lungs was lovely enough for her eyes to flutter shut.

She held the smoke in for a moment before exhaling and letting her eyes slide to Matt with a smile and a shrug. "You owe me, remember?" Matt shook his head at her and chuckled at her, and while it wasn't at all a threatening gesture, Audrey suddenly felt so small next to him. He was a good head taller than her, and maybe then some. But his quiet laughter was like a symphony of her favorite sounds, and she had quickly forgotten her intimidation.

_She never really was one for words,_ Matt thought as he tried to look at her from his peripherals. But his goggles made it impossible to sneak a clear look without turning to face her full on, and taking them off in the now blinding sunshine was out of the question for him. Smoke was pushed out of Audrey's mouth as she sighed. She looked at the cigarette between her fingers. "If it didn't feel so right, I would quit already."

Matt looked at her with an unreadable expression and mumbled "Yeah, I know what you mean."

Her pretty mouth dragged on his cigarette again, and Matt found himself craving her more than the cancer, for which he made a mental note to kick himself over later. "So where are we going, anyways?" Audrey looked up at him with the remnants of smoke coming out from between her lips as she spoke. Matt shrugged. "My apartment is a little more interesting than the city life."

Audrey felt her eyes widen, and she quickly reminded herself to wipe the expression from her features. _Now isn't the instant to turn into a quivering little schoolgirl,_ she chided herself. "Oh, okay." She cleared her throat and put the cigarette up to her lips, dragging it down to the cherry.

Matt noticed her apprehension with a smirk. "You really haven't changed a bit," he said through a slight laugh. Audrey flicked the remnants of the cancer stick into the street with a chuckle. Keeping her eyes trained on it as it was run over with a car as opposed to looking up at Matt again; she shrugged, and couldn't help the smallest of smiles. "I guess..." She glanced up for an instant and only barely met his gaze before wishing she was that cigarette, smushed into the pavement, and all she could think of was how if she could, she would bottle all of her awkward, unintentional angst and send it off to someone else. _You'd think one could grow out of this. _

Audrey ran a hand through her hair and began to tug at the ends of it. Matt pulled out a new cigarette.

"It's not much farther," he mumbled with the cigarette hanging from between his lips. Audrey looked down at her shuffling feet with a nod, not really noticing how Matt cocked his head to see her face. With a slight grimace, he realized he was thinking about the lovely ivory of her skin, almost _wishing_ to reach out and trace the curve of her cheekbone with one of his slender fingers. And it didn't help his case that a slight breeze kicked her scent at him. He drawled on his cigarette, clenching his teeth. She was something unreachable to him; always had been. And the fact that she was now right beside him after a handful of years, as charming and unattainable as ever, made him want to move closer to her and run as far away as he could at the same time.

Audrey chewed her bottom lip raw and tugged at the hems and sleeves of her sweater, finding any loose strand she could to occupy her hands with, praying they would get wherever they were going sooner. Matt sighed out the smoke, Audrey watched his lips move. "It's here," he gestured across the street with a slight jerk of his head. Audrey followed his gaze to a tall apartment complex, much like the one she stayed at with Near. Audrey had to tilt her head back and shield her eyes to fully see the silver, shining floors that stretched into the clear sky.

Matt led the way across the street when there was a break in traffic. Audrey felt her breath catch in her throat when he pushed open a heavy glass door and ushered her inside. Cold air bounced off of the sleek walls; goose bumps almost instantly surfaced on Audrey's pale skin, but she digressed enough to follow Matt up a few flights of stairs that she hadn't before noticed.

The halls were a labyrinth of sorts, one leading to another to another, one turn to the next, and Audrey found herself quite dizzy by the time Matt stopped in front of a plain-looking door, the brass numbers 713 fading and rusting in the middle. He pushed open the door with a mumbled "Home sweet home," and Audrey followed him into the dark.


	9. Chapter 9

I love, love, LOVED writing this. :33 -happy fangirl squeal- And I love all you lovely people with the reviews! They make my insides quite delighted :D Happy reading!

A dim light clicked on, revealing mountains of tangled wires that covered the entirety of the space. Tugging his goggles down to hang around his neck, Matt stepped inside, and Audrey followed, fairly sure that he was expecting her to. The room was void of any natural light, despite the bright day outside. Directly to the left of where she had entered was an extremely large television, and hooked or plugged into it was every gaming system imaginable. Controllers sat on and around a dingy yellow futon, which sank in at its center from where he sat, she conjectured. Piled on every surface in the room were stacks and stacks of video games, discs, headsets, guns for shooting games; anything and everything.

Audrey turned to Matt with a slight scoff. "And you said I was the one who hadn't changed a bit." Matt was pulling his jacket off. He looked over at her and laughed quietly. "I never said I didn't either." He tossed the jacket onto his bed, which was situated off behind the futon and flanked by side-tables. Audrey was smiling as she looked around. The guns told her that somewhere in these stacks was a zombie game of some sort, and she began poking around in search of one. She heard Matt chuckle, "Yeah, go ahead and make yourself at home."

After a moment of rifling through his things, Audrey came to realize that he actually had a quite sophisticated system set up. The stacks were all separated into categories, with sections like 'live', 'strategy', 'role-playing', and most important to Audrey, 'zombie'.

She grabbed one she hadn't seen before and made her way through a web of wires to the dresser next to the futon that had the pile of guns. When Audrey picked up the first one her eyes landed on, her primary instinct was that it was heavier than she would have thought.

Matt's eyes flicked up with the flame of his lighter to see Audrey examining his pistol. His insides jolted and his body followed. "No! Audrey, not that one!" With a running start, he leaped over his futon and stumbled up beside her, grabbing the gun out of her slender hands. Shock registered in her cloudy eyes, and he felt like a monster when they met his. He reached a gloved hand out for the top drawer of the dresser and pulled it open just enough to slip the gun into place, finding himself unable to tear his eyes from Audrey's.

She was the first to move; tilting her head just a little to one side. Matt shook his head and scratched the back of his neck, turning around to make his way back to the unlit cigarette he had dropped in his haste. Of course, Audrey wanted to ask why he had a seemingly loaded pistol in his apartment. For protection? _Protection from what? _Audrey shook her head and made her way to the video games corresponding system. She sat down on the futon to the opening tune of the game, grabbing a wireless controller and clicking it on. An uneasy feeling lingered.

Matt put the cigarette to his lips and breathed in heavily. _How could I explain that to her?_ The look in her eyes… the way her mouth fell open only slightly without words, it made him feel like he had used that gun on small children. _She probably thinks I did…_ He watched her body hunch forward, already so absorbed in her game of choice, and he felt that such an innocent had no place in his world.

And while he knew no good would come from anything that had their two names in the same sentence, he also knew that all he wanted, all he ever had wanted, was to be close to her. It wasn't like he had always felt that way. He barely paid her any mind back at Whammy's. But of course, why would he? She was always with Near, and all Mello ever did was try to out-do the pastel child. _"Anyone associated to him is scum,"_ a young Mello had once told Matt after he had expressed a quiet intrigue in the new girl. He'd forgotten about her after he left Whammy's. She was barely a figment of imaginations memory.

But hearing about her being back in town and seeing her around had made her all too real again. And without Mello telling him he couldn't, Matt decided that he could now try to have the chance he had missed before.

He sat down beside her, the all-too-real Audrey, who was made of warm skin and soft hair and big, round eyes. Who was right next to him, and completely undeniable. "I don't use it, I want you to know."

Audrey blasted a zombie square between the eyes before pausing her game. "You don't owe me an explanation." She cocked her head to look at him. _I owe you _something_, Audrey… _Matt gritted his teeth. Her voice was so genuine. He wanted to explain anyway. Something about the way her face was set made him want to clear his name to her. "I mean it, Audrey, I don't use it. It's just here because Mello left it for me." She was watching him closely, taking in every vulnerability that flashed over his features. His eyes searched hers, flitting from one to the other. He fumbled for more words. "Well, I mean, I've used it before, but never for killing someone, I was never interested in killing anyone." He was wringing his hands, Audrey noticed. And licking his bottom lip. _Heh, same nervous habits. _She was suddenly reminded of an incident at Whammy's. Mello had fallen asleep with chocolate in his hand, which melted to his sheets. Matt was made his scapegoat, and when he stood before Watari, he was wringing his hands and licking his lips in this same manner. _You'd think he did something wrong, the way he's acting._

Audrey shook her head slowly at him, a small smile creeping to her mouth. "It's okay, Matt," she said through a laugh. His eyes widened slightly in surprise, like a child let off punishment. He allowed himself the slightest of smiles. "Truly, it's no big deal." His smile widened as he nodded his head with a slight downward jerk of his chin and accepted her answer. He rested his back against the futon, relief washing through him, and Audrey un-paused her game. The sounds of gunshots and groaning zombies filled the room with the flashing lights of the game once again, and the two fell into an easy silence that was comparable to walking in step; second nature. Neither said much of anything, neither felt uncomfortable.

Matt would laugh when she was eaten alive, and she would shove him and challenge him to do better. She would poke and laugh when his character would die, and the cycle would continue.

Audrey wasn't sure when she had drifted into a shallow sleep. She had handed the controller to Matt with a sleepy, challenging smile what felt like mere minutes ago. Matt dropped his controller with a frustrated groan when a zombie came from behind and tore out his throat. He dropped against the futon, rolling his eyes to Audrey. Her knees were folded up, an elbow propped on the armrest, and a hand holding her face up. Strands of her dark hair fell into her face. Matt rubbed at his eyes, adjusting them to the darkness that covered her in the corner of his futon. She looked exactly the same, the sleep pulling her back to adolescence. And she was still as lovely as any memory he had of her.

He glanced down at his watch to see that at a quarter past midnight, he had two options. Wake her and walk her across town in the cold to her home, or cover her in a blanket and let her sleep. Of course the latter was the more appealing choice, but if she woke up in a strange place, it was likely she would freak out. _And that would mean a nosebleed, and I don't have any damn crackers._

With a sigh, he leaned toward her, shaking her gently and whispering, "Audrey, its late, let me take you home." She whimpered in her sleep. The hand she wasn't leaning on drifted out to him in a feeble sweeping motion; one of those things children would do to ask for ten more minutes. He took her hand, stopping its lazy motions, and attempted to pull her up. She sat upright for maybe a second without opening her eyes before slumping against his chest. Matt froze from head to foot, his hands in the air, up by his shoulders. Her arms wrapped around his waist, and the words he was going to force out tangled in his throat. "A-Audrey," he choked out. "Audrey, wake up." She shook her head, settling it against his shoulder. "You can't sleep here…" He was trying to sound authoritative, but Matt was fairly sure it wasn't coming out that way.

Her breathing deepened. Matt sighed, defeated, and nestled himself against the futon, sure that she would wake confused and no doubt freaked out. He temporarily considered slipping out of her grasp to slink off to his own bed, but the utter _warmth _of her was enough to change his mind. _And she just smells so _good. Her soft breathing hit the skin of his neck in a way that made moving impossible. Everything about her, every piece of her that met a piece of him, it all just felt too right. He wouldn't have moved if someone had paid him in handheld videogames, and he knew it.


	10. Chapter 10

I loved writing this. I loved it. xD And I love all you beautiful people who review and leave me love, it makes me so happy. 3 Happy reading!

He wasn't tired enough to try to sleep. Hell, his energy level had skyrocketed. Every shift in her sleeping form manifested itself inside of him with an electric chill. Her sweater was shrugged off of her slender shoulder, and her pale skin was almost luminescent. Matt was tentative when he moved to drag a single finger over the curve of her shoulder. Even in dreamless rest, Audrey's skin came alive at the sensation of his touch, and goose bumps formed and spread out over her. She sighed in her sleep; he quickly took away his hand. Mello's face came to mind.

But he hadn't had enough yet. Matt carefully bent his neck to rest his head against hers. The scent of her hair filled his lungs. He turned his head, dropping his nose to her soft skin. Audrey's eyes blinked open, and she was very careful not to move. But the feat itself wasn't all too difficult, as the feeling of the tip of his nose dragging over every single one of her shoulders nerve endings had rendered her motionless as it were.

Something softer met her skin; his lips, barely touching. Chills shot throughout her body from the incredibly affectionate trail of his mouth, dragging gently over her shoulder. Her heart fluttered, her eyes following suit. He wasn't leaving kisses, but to Audrey's imagination, kissing Matt would probably have the same soft affect that would drive her mind away as just his lips trailing over her did. His hands traveled over the small of her back and up her sides in a tauntingly lazy manner. Her body was limp in the most electrified fashion.

Surely if she had lifted her hand, her fingertips would be the equivalent of a small earthquake. How was it that he did not feel the way she trembled? Audrey was thankful for that small miracle, because if Matt knew the extent of just the slightest of his touches, he would surely never venture there again.

Audrey couldn't help but gasp quietly when she felt the extremely tender pressure of his lips to her shoulder. She felt his body stiffen instantaneously. His hands stopped dead where they landed at her shoulder blades, and the embrace suddenly became more than Matt could handle.

"I-I'm sorry," he mumbled against her skin.

Audrey momentarily thought of pretending to be asleep again, but she already knew the battle was futile, if not already lost. Resisting the urge to tighten her hold around his waist, she sat up uncertainly, pushing hair out of her face and looking into her lap. All tenderness that had been in his touch evaporated from his eyes the moment their bodies parted and Audrey was suddenly cold from the lack of warmth that only his figure could provide. She shifted in her seat, trying to put some distance between them even as every piece of her cried out for her to stop. Matt looked away, rubbing at the back of his neck.

"Should I leave?" Audrey said timidly into the desperately still air after a few moments elapsed, beginning to wring her hands together.

"Do you _want_ to leave?"

She didn't know how to answer that. _Most definitely, leaving is the farthest thing from my mind right now, Matt. Of course I want to stay here, and I want to lay against you and I want you to touch me the way you did just now and _-- Audrey's thoughts ran cold. Maybe she _should go. _But instead of straightening her sweater and getting to her feet, she watched Matt's profile, hoping for something to come out of his lips that would tell her it was alright. But he remained still in his sitting position, with his arms draped on top of his knees and his back arched in a slump. Audrey found herself wishing he would hold his head up when Matt shoved his hand in the pocket of his jeans, digging for a cigarette.

The way he lit it was nothing short of irritated, and Audrey began to wonder if she should have pulled consciousness together when he had tried to wake her before. But the sound of his voice so close to her… Audrey would be the first to admit it: _Hello, my name is Audrey, and I am incredibly selfish._ She wouldn't trade what had just bloomed between the two of them for anything in the world, and she didn't know whether or not that was a good thing or not. Matt drew in a long lungful of air on his cigarette, the ashes turning brilliant red before fading to dusty gray when void of his breath. Audrey watched the ashes fall, knowing how they felt when they drifted to the floor.

She pushed herself up from the futon and pulled her sweater around her shoulders, crossing her arms at her waist. She had her hand on the door handle, wracking her brain for the correct combination of turns and hallways that would lead her out, when she heard a heavy sigh and a shuffle of boots from behind her.

Matt was standing amidst swirling smoke, pushing his arms into his vest. When he walked past her and pushed the door open, she half expected him to be simply showing her the way out. But he made his way into the hallway, mumbling "I very well can't let you walk home alone at this time of night," followed with some sarcasm about how she'd probably get lost anyways that Audrey couldn't quite make out. She began to follow suit before he turned the first corner, catching up to him and falling into step with his longs strides after only a fraction of a minute.

The hallways seemed longer than they had before, but Matt didn't seem to realize this in the same way Audrey did. Or maybe she was just pulling any tiny observation she could out of the walls to keep her mind from traveling back to the unbearably tender sensation of his lips over her skin. Audrey felt her face flush, and she looked to the floor, watching her feet step in time to his.

She watched her breath crystallize in the air, exhaling deeply the moment they stepped outside. The puffs of her breathing dissipated into the quiet night, and she watched them do so with the intent of looking anywhere but to the boy at her right. She could hear every drag he took on his cigarette and the mental image of his mouth falling open just enough to push smoke out was barely enough for the blush to sweep over her cheeks again.

Matt had to fight the urge to bite down on his cancer stick out of pure frustration every time he put it to his lips. _What the _fuck_ was I even thinking!?_ His insides were screaming to him. His head was telling him to stop being such a dumbass over some girl; his skin was craving every inch of her, and the most animal of his instincts brought on the slightest, fastest-disappearing shade of pink to even _his _cheeks. And he was kicking himself, over and over again, for every thought that popped into his head with her name or face attached to it.

Mello would have slapped him over his head with whatever blunt object he could grab if he had seen his friend just then. But somehow, and with a shrug, Matt knew he would take it. He would take it a million times over just to have the opportunity to feel her skin again; to feel the goose bumps rise at the touch of his fingertips, the heat of her breath, the incredible softness that was her entire body twining to his…

He couldn't have been more thankful when they turned a final corner and Near's complex came into view. He watched Audrey say an awkward goodbye and shuffle across the street, thinking he should say something, but not quite getting the words together in his head.


	11. Chapter 11

Wow, sorry it took so long to get this out, but thanks for the patience :D

So as an Easter gift to all of you lovely readers, I present the eleventh installment of S&N.

Enjoy, and let me know if you do!

Chapter Eleven

He watched her push open one of the heavy glass double doors, and any words he had tried to formulate died on his tongue. Matt flicked the cigarette into the street and let out a frustrated groan, throwing his hands in the air and turning on his heels to head home. Whether or not she had intended to fall asleep on him was a question he could not answer, but what Matt did know as he shoved his hands into his pockets was that she was something he could not deny any longer. And one way or another, he would… he would _what?_

Mello's face came to his mind again, and Matt dropped his eyes to the pavement he was trekking over. A cold feeling suddenly filled his chest as he turned a corner. Kira had killed his best friend, his only confidant, and it was the only truth that Matt ever held onto. He found himself gritting his teeth at the thought of some punk trying to play God. _Some punk who had decided that Mello wasn't good enough to live. _

A sudden taste of utter hatred filtered into his mouth, and Matt had to spit to make the flavor seem more tolerable. Kira would pay if he had his way. And he would get his way.

Audrey floated her way up to her room and dropped onto her bed with a happy sigh. Sure, she was painfully awkward as she tried to say a proper goodbye, but all the same, she had laid against his chest and felt his arms around her, and in the darkness of his cold apartment, she had felt bright and warm. And yet, he had apologized. He had apologized for his tender touches and for the few, fleeting moments of the something so pure and gentle that he had opened to her. He had apologized, which lead Audrey to believe that, as she looked into the blackness of her ceiling, he regretted it. She knew one thing was certain; if he regretted it, it was likely to never happen again.

She closed her eyes and brought forth the memory of his lips, grazing her skin, and a chill rushed up her spine, dizzying her head, even as she lay there. But following such soft gestures was the unfriendly stiffening of his body as he realized she was conscious of his movements. Oh, ever so conscious… Audrey pushed herself off of the bed and walked quickly to the bathroom, stripping clothes on the way and leaving them where they landed. She turned the knob in her shower and stepped in without tuning the temperature. Audrey jumped slightly when the cold spray collided to her body. She inhaled deeply and held the breath and the urge to scream inside.

How was she supposed to know what he was thinking? Maybe he never wanted to see her again. Maybe all he _wanted_ was to see her again. Maybe he was thinking of her the same way she was thinking of him, hoping for some kind of sign that it was alright. Or maybe Audrey was an idiot girl holding her breath under a cascade of freezing water and maybe he just made a mistake in getting so comfortably adventurous with her. The warmth that had flooded her not so long ago was lost to the icy stream and the vision of his cold eyes behind her lids.

Audrey sniffled, with a little resistance, and she reached up, wiping her fingers just under her nose. Blood droplets fell past her fingers and splashed to the white tiles, where they mixed with water and rushed away down the drain. She wiped at her nose with the back of her hand and sniffled again. Dark ruby drops and smears of blood seemed to stain her pale hands and the blank, pristine tiles of her shower. Audrey grimaced at the sight of red, a red that can only be properly described as blood that has met air. She heaved out the breath she was holding in and turned off the water, stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around herself, leaving little puddles of water behind her as she made her way to sit on the toilet.

She pulled at the toilet paper, grumbling as she bunched it up and pressed it to her nose. She wanted to see him again. Hell, every minute of every day since she'd realized it was him thanking her for the cigarette, she'd wanted to see him again. She sighed and blew her nose into the tissue, flinching with slight revulsion at the sound.

She couldn't just show up at his house because she would have no better reason than wanting to see him.

And that would make her look like a complete fool. She could see it in her head: getting lost in the maze of halls, stumbling to his door to knock meekly, and then standing awkwardly in the front entrance with no voice as he looked her over with questioning eyes. _Sure, Audrey, that would go really nicely._

She let the air in her lungs go as she pushed herself up and dropped the towel, crawling into bed without bothering with dressings. As if it would matter; she was just going to wake up alone anyways.

In a closed-off room a level above, Near was sitting on the floor with one knee tucked to his chest, the other folded underneath his body. The train set made its circle around him, each cart carrying a puppet or robot toy. He twirled his ivory hair in his slender fingers. "I think Audrey should be monitored a little closer," he said thoughtfully.

Hal, sitting at the wall unit of computers behind Near, turned her chair to face him as his soft voice met her ears, unsure of what she had just heard. She cocked her head to the side. "Why would you think that?" she speculated. Near shook his head slightly, lifting his eyes to Hal's.

"If Matt is involved, I'm sure he'll use whatever means he can to get closer to the investigation."

Hal gasped slightly. _Surely he doesn't mean… that he would _use _that sweet girl?_ She cleared her throat. "You don't really think…" Near turned his attention to the passing train. He plucked the Kira puppet from one of its carts and slipped it onto his finger, wiggling it at Hal as he spoke again. "How would you feel is someone killed your only friend in the world?"

Hal made a face of extreme distaste at the ugly little finger puppet with its blank eyes and dopey smile. Near's monotone question rang in her ears. She shook her head, the blond fringe falling into her stern eyes. "I will leave it to you, Hal, to see that she meets no harm," Near said through barely parted lips. "If you think for just one moment that Mail could be using her," his untroubled grey eyes trailed up to meet Hal's. He looked up at her without moving his head. "Please, do not hesitate to inform me."

Though she wasn't quite sure what to make of the assignment she had just been handed, Hal Linder turned back to her monitors and continued to scan and rescan the security camera screens that broadcasted the tapes from a few days before, trying to formulate a plan of action in her head. Placing camera's in Audrey's bedroom might be borderline nosey.

_Maybe putting them in the halls might be more discreet…_

She tugged her bottom lip between her teeth, grazing her eyes over the top row of screens. The one to the far right caught her eye. The camera faced the main entrance of the complex and showed Audrey making an exit. Hal noted the time; barely six a.m. She slid her eyes to Near, and finding him distracted with a puzzle on the floor, she fast-forwarded the tape until she saw the familiar curly red hair making its way up to the front doors. The entire day wasted away before she arrived back, hands carrying shopping bags and a Styrofoam cup. Matt's trademark striped shirt was a dead give-away, and Hal made a note of the two's arrival.

She remembered then that upon Audrey's second day staying at their complex, she had gone off to rebuild her wardrobe, which explained the bags, but when Matt had entered the picture was a mystery to her. She fast-forwarded again to the next morning, and again, made a note of Audrey's departure time. _What is with this girl waking with the dawn? _Hal asked herself.

The day passed and Audrey did not show again until past two in the morning; this time, alone. Hal switched camera angles to show her the view of across the street, and sure enough, there was Matt, waiting to see the young girl inside. _They have been spending an awful lot of time together over these few days… but surely, his intent is… but then again, how is it that they even stumbled into each other in the first place? Odds of that being pure chance are… next to none._

Hal narrowed her eyes at the screens and the notes she took on a stray piece of paper. She found herself wondering what the odds of Near's assumptions being true really were, and with a slightly heavy heart for the girl, she slid the paper into one of her notebooks. Hal grabbed a black permanent marker and wrote Audrey's name over the top in small, capital letters.


	12. Chapter 12

Sorry this one took so long coming, but I'm really in love with how it turned out! Thanks so very very much for all of the amazing reviews, too! Enjoy the next chapter, guys :D

It wasn't blinding sunlight that woke Audrey the next day. To her pleased surprise, actually, all traces of the sun were blotted out with heavy purple storm clouds, and rain hailed the city with crashes of lighting for show. She lolled to her side, holding the blankets snuggled up to her chin, and let her eyes soak up the flashes of lighting that diminished into the rain like dried dirt would soak up the downpour. And she was suddenly grateful that in all of her side-tracked adventures, she had forgotten drapes. With a soft sigh, she rested her head into the pillow, and a straggling thought drifted, no, crawled into her mind. _What could Matt… be doing?_ She bit down on her lip and furrowed her brow in mild agitation. _A better question is why the _fuck_ should you care what he does?_ She tossed onto her back and pushed the sheet away from her face, slapping her arms to her sides. But her head still tuned slowly to the wide open window, and her eyes still scanned the skyline, and her mind still wondered which of the buildings in this crowded city did he reside in.

And she was mentally slapping herself over the head with a blunt, heavy object every time his face came to the back of her eyelids. With a heave of breathe, Audrey flopped to her other side, facing away from the window and the city that held Matt somewhere inside itself. Her eyes rolled with a slight distaste for herself, accompanied by a subtle pout on her mouth. She knew that had she sat back and asked herself "Audrey, why are you so hung up on this boy?" that no answer would have occurred to her. The only thing she knew for certain was that something had happened there between them, and she would not be satisfied unless she heard him admit it.

Unless he looked her square in the eyes and said something along the lines of "Audrey, I know you know that there's something here, and you know that I know that it is no longer a deniable fact, so just kiss me, you fool and –"

Her imagination shot itself in the foot and fell dead silent.

With a quiet groan of conviction, she threw the covers off of herself, and marched to the bathroom, grabbing a box of crackers from under the desk along the way. She chewed with a new purpose, turning on the water and taking her time undressing. Words tangled and stumbled over themselves as they ran to get themselves in an order she could use, but as she stepped under the spray, any sentences that made sense were washed away like soap bubbles.

Why was it that someone with such a big mouth and oh, so many opinions could now come up with nothing intelligible to say? Audrey ground her teeth together and washed her hair. She did have the hope that upon opening his door to see her there, he would be the one to say something first. In which case, she could respond accordingly and carry the conversation from the top of her head. But what if she met silence? What if he just looked her over with those cold eyes and shut the door on her?

Audrey reached out of the shower and grabbed her towel, wrapping it around herself and stepping into the steam-filled room. She released a breath she hadn't realized had locked into her chest.

It wasn't like she enjoyed feeling a fool over a stupid boy that picked on her and laughed at her when she was a kid. Every time Audrey met his eyes, the ones that looked back at her were the same kid that had snickered from behind his handheld, and she _detested_ the way she felt when he smiled at her. Just one corner of his mouth lifting to her gave her the urge to collapse in a way that would feel like flying. Pulling on a pair of gray sweat pants and a loose fitting black t-shirt that was so stretched from use that it fell over her shoulder, Audrey shuffled her hands through her wet, curling hair and tried again to configure her thoughts to a row. Again, she came up with nothing.

She looked into the fogged glass of the bathrooms mirror, concluding that her hair was a hopeless case, as anything she could try to do would be wiped out by the rain. Her clouded reflection was almost asking itself if he ever thought about her. She turned off the light and grabbed a long sweater from the floor that didn't look like it had been heaped with a mass of others. She tugged it over her shoulders and kicked on a pair of shoes that didn't need tying, in hopes that the faster she got out there and on her way, the less time she'd have to chicken out and the sooner she would demand answers. A scarf was sitting on her side table, and in hopes of looking a little more put together, she wrapped it loosely around her neck. Leaving Near's complex was a blur of plain walls, and before it registered, Audrey had stepped outside into the pouring rain. The overcast sky had driven everyone indoors, and if someone had asked her just then on her life what the day was, she would have died on the spot. All she knew as she stood under the downpour was that it was across the street and a left or two to Matt's complex. And she began to walk.

Her hands shoved into her pockets for the pack of cigarettes that were always burrowed somewhere inside, and when her fingers stumbled over the carton, she released a breath of relief. The wind and rain made lighting the cancer stick slightly difficult, but after a few clicks and blanks, the flame was flicked to life and she lit her cigarette with a deep drag. Her footsteps were wet and hollow echoes off of the surrounding buildings. She turned a corner.

Lungful after lungful of nicotine did nothing for her nerves. The slaps of her shoes seemed to grow louder. The noise settled heavily in her bones. She walked a little faster.

Another corner; his building was in sight. Audrey moved quickly, blindly across the empty streets, putting the cigarette to her lips to pull the smoke in again. Unseeing, her hands pulled at the door. It was heavier than she recalled. She stepped inside.

Stairs. Step after step, twist after turn, one long hallway leading to another. Numbers, blurring together and fading out. 713. _713, 713, _713.

Knock? Yes, knock. Hands have lost most feeling; the knock is more of a soft tap. Silence on the other side of the door. Hesitation. Hand lifts weakly and balls to a loose fist. Taps a little harder on the door, only to be met with more silence. Body feels heavy, eyes begin to blur out of focus, hand lands on the doorknob. Grip is subpar, but a slight turn leaves the door ajar.

Is it proper to just walk in? The thick darkness is seeping into the hallway, far more inviting that the dimmed fluorescent lights of the hallway. A quiet step forward, numbed fingers pushing at the door, neck craning and eyes straining. Silence.

A rustle of sheets, a quick moment of clarity, followed by the urge to turn and run.

"Who the fuck is that?"

A groggy voice cuts through the darkness to Audrey's ears, and her own voice fails in responsiveness. Matt watches the silhouette of a small body topped with curly hair from his bed across the way, sitting up to repeat the question. He rubs sleep from his eyes and slides his legs out of the sheets, setting his feet to the floor.

Audrey sees him stand up. Her feet don't receive the message to leave as quickly as they can.

He walks over the cold wooden floor, scratching at the back of his neck and shaking up his hair. She sees him move down the single step, off of his plat-formed bed, and down past the futon and his television. He's suddenly right in front of her, an arm reaching past her face to the wall behind her. A light clicked on. Audrey didn't even want to think of her expression.

He's standing there, towering over her. _Without a shirt._ A shudder rolled through her veins; she fought it off. Matt leaned one arm around her, against the door frame. He titled his head, his dark eyes bearing into Audrey's, which she imagined must have been the size of quarters. "What… _time_ is it?" He sighed through the question. Audrey shook her head and spoke. It came out quiet, and a little too fast. "I-I don't know. I just woke up."

He kept his eyes trained to hers and moved his other arm to shut the door behind them, now standing with her trapped between his two arms. His shoulders hunched at his posture, and his head leaned right in front of hers. Audrey's eyes flitted around the barricade his body had made. And now, in her glorious moment of aghast silence, with Matt leaning over her, eyes piercing for some form of an explanation, she found that yet again, her brain came up with nothing.

So she simply stood there, shuffling her feet slightly and gnawing at her bottom lip.

"Audrey, why are you _here_?"

When his voice came out, it wasn't agitated, just tired, and it occurred to her then that she _had_ just woke him up at a time of day that even she didn't know. She cleared her throat, dragging her eyes up to flightily meet his. "I.. I'm sorry, I j-"

Her words cut off to a small sigh and her hand reached behind her back for the doorknob, but in the instant Matt realized she would try to make her escape, he put on hand on each of her slender shoulders and swiftly pulled her further into the room, leaving her hand flailing for nothing. She stumbled to a stop in front of him. Matt crossed his arms over his bare chest loosely with an expectant look on his face. "You're not gonna break into my apartment at…" his eyes moved to an illuminated wall clock that she hadn't noticed before, "at not even five in the morning, wake me up and then not even tell me why you came here like this. And for God's sakes, Audrey, you're soaking wet." His last remark almost sounded concerned, with the way he punctuated it with such exasperation. He dropped into the discolored futon, the expectant expression never flickering away from his face. Audrey took in the sight of him in that second; face tilted to the side, arms crossed limply, dark hair falling haphazardly from sleep, and never once did his eyes move from hers, no matter where she tried to look.

With a sigh, Audrey shrugged out of her sweater and unwound her scarf. She sat beside him with one leg folded underneath herself and her hands wringing each other out in her lap.


	13. Chapter 13

I went back and forth about posting this chapter as is, but in the end and with some coaxing from a fellow author, I decided to just let you guys have it, and take it for what it is. Thanks so much for all the reviews, guys! You all fuel my fangirl fires, and I appreciate every favorite, every review. So keep 'em coming, and enjoy!

Oh, and another thing. The other night I had yet another dream that saving the world from a zombie apocalypse relied on me. Am I seeing a pattern, reader-sans?

Anyways, with much deliberation, I present, Chapter thirteen!

It wasn't until her eyes met his that the emotion of it all set in. Here she had come, barreling through the rain to his apartment, and here she sat, soaking wet and wringing her hands together, and for some reason, all Audrey wanted to do was pull her knees to her chest and close her eyes and swallow the lump down her throat. She shook her head and quietly said, "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have come like this."

Matt leaned his elbows on his knees and rested his chin on the knuckles of his pale interlocked fingers. The empty spaces of his apartment seemed as endless and echoing as the ones inside himself. He cocked his head to look at her. "But _why_ did you come here like this?" She continued slowly shaking her head from side to side, looking down at her hands before clearing her throat and forcing herself to say something more explanatory. "I-I don't know why, Matt. I… I wasn't thinking." Her eyes were an iridescent gray when they lifted and caught hold of his. "I'm s-sorry, this was really stupid of me," she pushed herself off of the futon, "I'm going, I'm sorry."

She hadn't taken half a step when he grabbed her hand and pulled her back down beside him. He watched her eyes grow wide with nothing more than a shrug. "Quit apologizing," he said almost sternly. "No one wakes up so damn early just to break into some apartment and to just _leave_. Not even you could be that mental." The last remark came out through a quiet chuckle. Audrey pushed her fringe of hair out of her face, tucking what she could behind an ear. A small smile fought its way over her lips.

She wanted him to say something, Matt just knew it. So what does he do? He reaches around on a side table and finds a cigarette, determined to keep his mouth occupied on something besides looking stupid by saying the things than ran through his head. Audrey stewed in the silence.

And then she couldn't stand it.

"What happened then?" She'd blurted it out and resisted the urge to slap her hand over her mouth the instant the words left her lips. Matt blew smoke towards the ceiling, as nonchalant as ever. "When?"

"Oh, ha ha, Matt," she feigned sarcastically, suddenly irritated by his attitude. "You can't just pretend nothing changed!" Audrey's hands flew out in exasperated gesticulations before she leaned her elbows on her knees and propped her face up, staring him down.

He ground his teeth together and turned his body sharply to face her. "If you're talking about that other night, I said I was sorry –"

"I didn't want you to be sorry!"

"Then what do you want from me, Audrey?!"

The air fell tense and silent between them. Matt dragged deeply on his cigarette, settling himself back against the cushions, wordlessly vowing not to cut her even the slightest sideways glance. But he could feel that she was looking at him through hurt eyes, and a part of him wanted to make an apology. Audrey huffed an agitated sigh and stood up. "I can't believe I thought I could talk this out with someone like _you._" She grabbed up her jacket and her scarf, kicking on her shoes on her way to the door.

He beat her to it before she even saw him move, and in reaching for the doorknob, she got a handful of nothing. Matt stood there, looking down at her, like a brick wall that she could sooner fly over than try to move. She heard him gritting his teeth. "What do you mean by _that_?" His voice was a venomous calm; she narrowed her eyes up at him. He'd asked for it. By name. She dropped the affects she hadn't pulled on; her sweater and scarf hit the floor at her feet with the quietest of thuds.

"I mean that you are a self-righteous, punk-ass kid who doesn't take anyone's emotions seriously because your too afraid of your own," she spat venomously, her voice pitching higher than normal. Audrey didn't realize she was jabbing her pointer finger into his chest. "You always say stupid, aloof things that you never explain, and you always act like nothing I say has any meaning at all to you and - and, well - you're just, your just so – ugh!" She threw her hands in the air from frustration and turned to stalk away. However, she quickly found that there was nowhere _to _stalk to, and she ended up whirling around with a stamp of her foot to face him again. "Move," she glowered.

And then, he chuckled. He crossed his arms and began to _laugh_. It started slowly; quietly, but quickly tumbled into a laughter so great he was leaning his back against the door with his head tossed back and his arms wrapped around his sides. She thought he would collapse with raucous giggles. Anger began to boil inside of her small body. "What on Earth are you laughing at?!" she screamed at him.

Tears welled in his eyes as he tried to speak. "You.. you –" His speech was interrupted by another burst of hilarity. "You don't mean any of that!" The words were carried on a puff of laughter and cigarette smoke with an air of epiphany that made her want to punch him in the gut. He almost slid down the door in another sated fit of conviviality. Audrey scoffed, her mouth hanging open in the shock that the spectacle of this grown man laughing in her face. "Of course I mean it! You're just proving what I said!" She tossed her hands in his direction. "See?! No regards for anyone's feelings at all! Now move out of my way, I don't have to listen to this!"

"Audrey," - interrupted with laughter. Matt cleared his throat. "Audrey." He even tilted his head down to look up at her through his eyelashes, trying to contain himself and appear more authoritative. But the stern expression meant nothing; she knew nothing that he could say now would seem the least bit serious.

"In all seriousness," She rolled her eyes. _He just _had_ to say that._

"I know you don't really think all of that about me."

Audrey scoffed. "Then you don't understand at all. If you cared at all about anyone else's feelings, you would tell me what happened the other night, and you would fucking _explain_ yourself to me!" She huffed a sigh, suddenly feeling breathless. "You would own up to what you caused, and you would… you would explain this to me."

In a fleeting moment of weakness, Matt's hands lifted towards her face, only to stop a few inches away. Her eyes pleaded with him, and the sadness that passed between them as their visions met was one of immeasurable proportions. He detested being the cause of that stormy gray that clouded her eyes, but it would only be worse if he touched her the way he wanted to. If his fingertips fell to the expanse of skin stretched smoothly over her cheek bone, surely she would move her face against his palm, and the tenderness of it all could be enough to break his heart. Imagine the damage control to both parties if his lips landed softly upon hers the way they longed to. He balled his fists and lowered them hesitantly to his sides. One of the final glimmers of hope seemed to die inside of Audrey's eyes, and unquestionably, her own heart was feeling the effects.

Matt moved past her with an audible exhale, walking to sit on the edge of his bed. All traces of his hysterics evaporated from his expression. He sat with a soft sigh and looked up at her from across the room. "You aren't gonna let this go, are you, Audrey?"

She scratched at the back of her leg with her opposite foot and crossed her arms over her chest with a slight shrug. "If you can honestly tell me that you already have, then I'll leave right now and just forget you ever happened," she added dejectedly, "for the second time in my life."

Matt was looking at his clasped together hands, shaking his head. "You can't just leave it alone," he said softly, more to himself than anyone else. She took a few tentative steps toward him. "I won't lie to you like that," he said gently, lifting his head only just enough to have an upward glance of her face.

"Then just be honest with me." She was standing in front of him, at the foot of the single step-up that was his plat-formed bed. And he was silent. Moments blended together and neither of the two moved. "For the love of God, Matt, can't you for once, _please_, just for once tell me what you want from me?" Her hands fell to her sides the same way the hopeless pleading of her voice fell into his ears.

He looked up at her, his eyes wide and silvery with a regret that he wasn't familiar with.

_How could I ever hurt you, Audrey? What would I ever do if I did?_

_She's just some dumb girl,_ Mello would have said with a sneer. _It wouldn't be so hard to get what you need._ His head shook with an awful jerk, and he dropped his head into his hands and squeezed his eyes shut, but Mello's voice seemed to bleed through his mind and drip from his fingers, down his arms, into his lap, to the floor… He heard Audrey sigh softly in a moment of complete silence.

"What could you have to say to me that could possibly be so difficult?" The sound of her voice was distant, and hopeless, and had he looked up and seen that she was standing with her hand on his doorknob with her things gathered and replaced to her body, Matt surely would have dispelled Mello's voice from his head for the promise of softly touching her skin or breathing in the scent of her hair just one more time. Whatever words he had hoped to say died on his lips when she pushed open the door and stepped through wordlessly, without a backwards glance. The image of her head hanging down with an inaudible sigh as she slipped away was one that would likely haunt him for the rest of his restless nights and empty days.


	14. Chapter 14

This chapter is a little bit of a filler and a little bit of a teaser, but I hope you all like it enough to let me know! School is going to be letting out soon, though, so hopefully, I'll have some time to better get this out for all of my amazing readers.

But get this: my Word program's trail period ran out today. So we had to install some new program called OpenOffice. I'm still getting used to it, and my English paper will have to suffer, but now, I present, the fourteenth installment!

It wasn't so much that Matt minded sleeping alone, it was more an issue of actually falling into the sleep that bothered him. In the hollowed out darkness of his apartment, the shadows seemed to echo and creep along the walls, and in the late hours of the night, his eyes began playing tricks on his mind. Some nights, he would see Audrey's silhouette in his doorway. He would envision her stepping soundlessly toward him, and he would wrap himself up in the memories of the soft curves of her body and the utopia of sweet smells and light that radiated from her. He would doze euphorically with images of her bright eyes and smile behind his lids, cloaking him in a comfortable peace until he woke up utterly alone in the morning.

But on nights like the one he struggled against now, there were faces like Mello's that emerged from the shadows. Glinting jade eyes and scars and sneering, smeared reflections of the Mello that hated the world around him, the Mello whose voice echoed darkly in Matt's head on the emptiest of nights when sleep was just over a ledge that he couldn't breech.

Hal didn't sleep much anyway, and this stretching night was no different. She ran tapes and took notes of times and places in her notebook marked "Audrey". Hal wanted to ask the girl why she had barreled out of the building so early on the Sunday before the one that had just passed, but she had not come out of her room for more than a bite to eat in the time since then, and Hal was not one to knock on doors and ask questions. It simply wasn't in her tastes.

During her days down in the lobby, manning the desk, Hal had seen Matt walk back and forth on the street that the building faced through the large glass double doors. He would look up at the structure, wringing his hands, and continue trekking back and forth for, sometimes, hours. And he wouldn't relent, even in the pouring rain. Hal would straighten her papers and jot notes of Matt's occurrences, and the more she studied the expressions on his face as he looked upward at the building, the more it began to appear to her that Matt no longer visited in hopes of avenging Mello, but in hopes of seeing Audrey. To this realization, she cocked her head, and the questions of where Audrey had went that morning pressed harder against her head.

Audrey wasn't even sure how many sleepless nights had elapsed. She just kept dropping cube after cube of sugar into her cup of tea with musings of what sleep could hold for her if she ever succumbed to it. With her eyes closed, she saw his face. With them open, she saw only empty darkness. She did not know which struck deeper.

Sunrise seemed to extend the hollow feeling, dragging it deeper to the heavy core of Audrey's chest, with softly colored clouds stretching out a longing as bright and fiery as the sun coming up behind the skyline of the city. Her only comfort was that night would come, and the aching would subside, and she could lose herself to the delirious darkness of everlasting nightfall, passing time in quiet sighs and half-hearted attempts at something more occupying.

But her hands always came up with nothing to do, the same way Matt's would if he even tried to configure the controls of a videogame.

Frustrated from lack of sleep and pent up emotion, he tossed the controller lackadaisically to the side and dropped his head to his hands. The sun was just beginning to break through his blinds when Matt pushed himself up off the edge of the bed, pulled a t-shirt off the floor and over his head, and shoved open the door of his apartment. The cigarette hanging between his lips was lit with automatic, unnoticed motions before he had even exited the building, and it was half-smoked before he had turned the first corner.

Matt wasn't one to catch a case of the nerves that couldn't be fixed with a few drawls on a cigarette, but for some reason, in this early morning glow, his heart was going faster than his own feet. He covered the pavement in a quick blur, but when he stopped moving to look up at his destination, his heart hit the floor the same way his jaw did. Audrey was pushing open the heavy glass door of the building she stayed at, her eyes trained to the ground. She hadn't noticed him yet, but Matt knew that in mere seconds, it would be inevitable that she would.

She'd look up to cross the street only to see him standing there, and it was out of Matt's realm of understanding to even stab in the dark at what might unfold then.

And when Audrey did lift her gaze, she too stopped dead in her tracks. Thinking that it must have been the foreign sunlight playing tricks on her eyes, she blinked, and tried to adjust to the brightness, but when Matt's face came into clear focus, Audrey didn't know what to think.

Early sunlight caught in the tangles of her hair and warmed her cheeks along with the sudden rush of blood that ensued from the way his eyes landed on hers. Matt ran his tongue over his dried lips, arid from disuse, watching occasional people blur between them in the streets in seeming slow motion.

"Would you just come over here?" he called over after an immeasurable, stretching silence.

Audrey look about herself with a slightly oblivious air. She suddenly needed to know what day it was, and how many had passed since she'd last seen his face. His eyes were calling to her from behind the goggles in an almost pleading manner. Audrey fixed her expression, hoping she didn't look as awful as she felt, and took a step off of the curb. She crossed the street quickly, but her feet slowed when she was only a few yards away from Matt.

God, how he wanted to touch her. The urge to pull her close and comfort her was so unbearable that Matt was forced to turn away slightly and light another stick of nicotine. It was all he could do to keep his hands busy while he waited for her to speak. But when words did leave her mouth, he realized how much he had missed her voice, even if it was hesitantly asking him "Why are you here?"

Matt shuffled his feet, and turned his eyes to look at her, his cigarette hanging from his mouth. "I honestly don't have an answer for that, Audrey," he mumbled quietly. She shook her head with slow dexterity from side to side and moved to walk past him. "Hal told me that you've been outside the complex," she said from over her shoulder, shoving her hands into the pockets of her jeans. She struggled to force the small smile off of her lips when she heard his boots hitting the pavement to catch up to her retreating form.

Audrey heard him scoff when he appeared at her side. _Always the first to play it off, _she shrugged with a minimal lift of her shoulder. "Well, why would I do that?" he dragged his cigarette. "It was raining all week."

So it had only been a week? "Hm... seemed much longer than that..." she said softly, taping a finger to her lower lip, unaware that the words were even out loud. But Matt noticed, his ears keen to anything that exited her mouth. "What did you say?" he asked, blowing remnants of smoke through his words. Audrey seemed to perk up for an instant, as if she had just reentered her own head. "Hm?"

Matt dismissed the subject. How foolish he would look, having been caught pacing the concrete in front of her home. As if he would admit to _that_. Of course, though, however spacey the girl beside him might be, she was anything but forgetful, especially if she wanted an answer. "So why were you out there, then?" she pressed.

His eye's rolled. "I don't wanna talk about this here," Matt gestured to the passing crowds they shared the sidewalks with. Audrey felt a brief moment of triumph; she let a light laugh escape.  
"So you admit it?" she said, still through soft chuckles, earning a stifled groan from Matt.

"Because I care about-" He felt his throat tighten. The rest of the words, if there even was a sentence behind the ones he had spoken, evaporated, leaving his airways dried as dust. He groaned again, a little more frustrated this time, and balled his fists, not realizing that Audrey had stopped a few steps short. He turned slowly to look at her, hair slightly disheveled in a breeze, eyes wide and crystalline with an untraceable emotion.

How did one respond to a statement like that, she wondered. And what did he know about caring for anything, anyways? Audrey furrowed her brow and began to walk again, brushing past him quickly. It didn't even matter that she had forgotten her originally intended destination; all that mattered now was getting away from Matt. All that mattered right then was escaping the unbearable, tangible tension that had fallen densely in the air. The tenderness of his voice would break her heart if she heard him speak so distressingly again.

"Audrey!" he called after her, almost pleadingly. She found herself stopping in her place, her teeth gritted together and her eyes squeezing shut. The next time she heard his voice, it was drifting delicately into her ear. "C'mon, I told you I didn't want to talk about this here..." Audrey pushed a heavy breath from her lungs with a nod no more than a downward jerk of her chin.

With a hand on the small of her back, Matt lead her out of the streets, unknowing of what streamed through her head or what would be said later. He just knew that he needed her close and he needed to say what he had to say before it ate him alive. And as much as articulating his thoughts would turn him into something much unlike himself, Matt just knew: he needed her to understand. And even if she didn't, at least he would get it out of his system.


	15. Chapter 15

Alright, I know its terrible to make you guys wait for over a month, but I think you'll find it quite worth it! Thanks for being so patient, and please, enjoy!

Matt closed the door of his apartment behind himself after ushering Audrey inside first. He took the liberty of clicking on the light switch, dimly illuminating the room in a glowing amber. "You can sit down, you know," he mumbled, not exactly an academic student of hospitality. But all the same, she waited for him to take a seat on the dilapidated yellow futon before she assumed the spot next to him. Small talk had always been beyond Audrey's realm of understanding, but awkward silences were no strangers. However, under the one she found herself in now, Audrey realized she was indeed struggling. Her hands began to ring themselves out and tug the ends of her unruly hair anxiously. She did everything she could to not blurt out things she had yet to think through.

_What do you want from me?!_ Her insides were bubbling to scream at something, at the first jeering remark he made, at anything. But she sat still, her hands assaulting one another, and waited. It occurred to her in that silence that she did a lot of that; Audrey did a lot of waiting.

Always had. She had a feeling she would spend a lot of her days waiting for this boy. Waiting for him to say something that made everything right, waiting for him to come after her when things just _weren't _right... just _waiting. _And this was no different. She made a mental vow to not be the first to speak. He would say what he had to and she would respond with what she saw fit. This conversation would follow his lead, she decided. _He could wait too,_ she made up her mind.

_What_ exactly he was waiting for was not in her logic to decipher, but if she was denied his explanations, he would be denied hers. It was, after all, the only thing she could control in the situation. The words she had to divulged were hers to give, but it would be give and take.

"So she saw me," Matt muttered. It wasn't much of a question, more of a soft utterance of defeat: a bona-fide confession. An undeniable truth, the way so many other unspoken things were. Audrey nodded her head, forcing an exhaled breath that she hadn't realized had locked inside of her chest. "She told me so when I came down to the lobby, on my way out," she said quietly, focusing on keeping her voice level. "You know, one of those 'Oh, and by the way,' things..." A shrug punctuated the facetiousness in the words. Matt moved his head marginally in understanding.

_Give and take,_ she reminded herself. And a short silence passed.

"I meant what I said out there," he said curtly, tilting his head to look at her full on in the face. Audrey snorted behind her lips with a _hmph_ sound. He watched her delicate jaw square. "You've always had a funny way of showing it," she challenged. His eyes narrowed; an inexplainable emotion rolled through his body, crashing like a violent wave. "It's not like I'm lying to you, Audrey," his voice raised an octave or two in exasperation. She shrugged. "I wasn't calling you a liar."

"Then what are you saying?!" The air between them tensed. Maybe aloofness wasn't her strong suit. When Audrey spoke again, she found her own voice raising, traces of her calmed facade falling away like the bricks of a crumbling wall. "I'm saying," she drawled, a final attempt to keep herself together, "that someone who cares about someone else," more bricks hitting the ground, her voice rises again, "doesn't run and hide from everything the way you do!"

_Ohh, _venom_, Miss Audrey. _She spat out the words, and there they were, irrevocable, hanging heavily in the air like a corpse from a tree. His gaze was densely trained to hers; neither wavered for a moment, until Matt moved swiftly to close the distance between them and press his lips to hers.

Her body went utterly rigid. She may as well have been shot through the chest with the way her heart just completely seemed to stop. With wide eyes, she saw his face pull back, the feeling of his lips disconnecting from hers something dreadfully beautiful and heart-wrenchingly saddening at the very same time. His face retreated only an inch or two from hers before he ceased movement. Matt's breathing caught in his throat, and he had to force a gulp of air down his larynx before he could speak. "Is this – is this a better way to get you to understand?" he breathed.

She nodded with a sharp downward jerk of her chin, unable to force words up her dried windpipes. Unable to move. Utterly and thoroughly frozen under this foreign closeness; the short distance between them something she had never allowed herself to even _dream _of.

"So you get it now?" he muttered. Audrey bit her bottom lip and nodded with an air of uncertainty, her eyes dilated and flitting like a birds. Matt moved his head in a short bow that Audrey probably wouldn't have picked up on had he not been so close. "Good," he murmured faintly. "Its about damn time."

And with that finality, he kissed her firmly and full-on.

Naturally, movement of any kind was not an option, as the pressure of his lips ceased all functions of her brain. Had Audrey been made purely of ice, surely she would have been a puddle on the floor. That's how she felt. Audrey felt like a puddle of icy water, expanding over the floor in a euphorically free way with all nerves on end at full attention. And like water over a smooth surface, now that there was undeniable freedom, there was no stopping the inevitable.

He cupped her face and she clutched at the collar of his shirt, tugging the fabric toward her with clenched fists. Obliging to that unintentional gesture would be like breaking the Hoover Dam, Matt knew. _For sanity's sake,_ he said to himself. There would be no way he could move his body over hers in the direction her hands were pulling him, for sanity was dwindling, and the slightest stray move could mean the end of his softest kiss. No, there was no way he would risk pushing her too far. Now that he was here, Matt was going to revel in it. He would show her what she had always done to him.

Mello's voice in his head seemed to be louder than the soft gasps for breath that escaped Audrey's mouth when his lips moved away from hers to trail over the delicate skin of her jaw line. He clenched his teeth together. Mello's voice echoed what a fool he was. _To care so much_, he could hear him laughing darkly.

_To _need_ someone? Really, Matty boy? _More scornful laughter. With lids down, he could just see the golden hair, hanging haphazardly into bitter, jaded eyes. He could see the arms swathed in black leather folding loosely over the slender torso. He could see Mello as if he was leaning on a wall in his apartment, next to the futon he kissed Audrey on. In the shadows, in every corner, in every crevice where light could not breech, he saw him standing there.

He squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled slowly; his breath was warm spreading over her skin, like a breeze over empty, barren lands, or metaphorically, a plague, infecting all it softly brushed past. Infected seemed like the right word to Audrey. She felt afflicted by every gentle brush of skin, and if the viral of his touch was deadly, she would have happily died on the spot for the promise of more; for the promise of being carried out on waves of soft, cradling pestilence. He was a disease that left her needing, with hands reaching out blindly for more.

But why was Mello's voice so loud, Matt was asking himself. Why did it hurt his head so much when the condescending laughter crashed into the linings of his skull? Why was he here? Why, why, _why! _A quiet whimper escaped Audrey's mouth, as soft as the pink shade of her lips. "I... I'm sorry," he muttered to the curve of her neck. Color flooded to her cheeks. Her head began to shake from side to side. "Don't be," her voice is quiet; it wavers on the last note of her word.

Wondering how he could help that she had haunted him since before Mello did, his head moved to lock her eyes. The air fell silent. Matt couldn't take it. He pushed himself off of her.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" her voice called to him, quiet and defeated. He pulled a cigarette off of his bedside table and began to fumble in his pockets for a lighter. Smoke began to drift through the room; it stung her nose as a hard reminder that quiting anything was never easy, but getting off of the addiction that was the man she had always wondered about would be damn near impossible now that she knew what it was like to _feel _him.

_Hell, _she thought to herself as Matt turned to face her, drawling on his cigarette, _I might not even try to quit this time. _But something nagged her, whispering that this wasn't up to her. Something at the back of her mind was asking what she had just thrown herself into.


	16. Chapter 16

Wow, I know, its been so long! And I'm so sorry this has taken forever, and that I haven't kept up messaging all you lovely reviewers, so let me make it up here. This is for all of you :Giselle Bourignon, Super00girl, XxEyelinerHeartsxX, Sherry-Doll, Gwenny-Dear, mistressXmisfit, smearedliner, synethesiac, sadiegrl, Morbid Mello, Reaper-Lawliet, fruity blonde pixie, ActionFry, Mist123, Thank you all, so much. This is for you.

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Matt rubbed at his temples with the taste of nicotine settling into his mouth. Audrey watched him stamp the cigarette out on the heel of his shoe and turn away from her to flick the remains to a small, nearby trash can. He sighs heavily and rolls his head around to look at her, half-over his shoulder.

"What do you want from me, Audrey?" Finality rings in the breathy tones of his voice; he's decided the need for answers is going to end here. The need for her... could go either way.

Audrey is shaking her head to and fro, her lips pulled tightly into a straight line, her eyes searching his, electrified gray pouring into an almost somber green. "What do I want," she mutters out of the side of her mouth. She slides her gaze up to his face and narrows her eyes. "I'd love to know how you kissing me the way you did is any form of explanation at all for the way that you are," she sees his jaw clench at the remark, and pleased with the impact, she added on "And for the record, no, I sure as hell do _not _understand what you were getting at with those actions anymore."

Matt scoffs. "What about it is so hard to grasp, Audrey?!" he exasperates, turning on his heels and advancing on her. "I kissed you, I wanted to, and what does that tell you?!"

She tenses in her seat, poised to stand up or slap him across the face, whichever happened to come first. "And what are your apologies supposed to tell me, Matt?! Clarify that one for me, would you?" She's dripping so much angry sarcasm, the fear that it will manifest itself into a puddle at her feet faintly floats past in her head, tangled in the heat of a shouting match and flustered skin.

"So I shouldn't have done it," he muddles, "But that doesn't change the fact that I wanted to."

His face is right in front of hers again. He's leaning in with his hands on his knees and his shoulders slumped and she could yell at him all day but her wants are as basic as his, and something about that simple fact is unbearable. She can't stand that he's so close and suddenly, she's forgotten what about him was so infuriating. It boils in her blood that she can only loathe the way he makes her feel when he's at a safe distance away. Being so close makes her wonder of the feeling of his lips over her skin, and...

She stands up quickly, turning her blushing face away from him and heading for the door. "_I'm _the one running away from everything," she hears him mumble.

Matt has suddenly wedged himself between her and the door. "Why does it feel like I'm always standing between you and the way out?" he muses, thinking back to the second time she'd stopped by his place when his hand had reached the doorknob before hers could. The playful hints in the line seemed to soften the edges around his eyes. She shakes her head and tries her hand at disguising a small, unwanted laugh for a soft cough.

He touches her face softly, dragging his finger over the line of her cheekbone. "I thought I'd made it obvious back there," he gestures with a shrug to his old sofa bed, "That I want nothing _more _than to..." his teeth clench, "Break... you... _down_."

Color rushes to her face and she averts her eyes to the stripes on his shirt. Matt struggles against himself to keep his touches gentle.

"But I'm supposing that's besides the point?" he quips.

Audrey's face is a brilliant red.

"Irrelevant?" he presses.

Her eyes are closed for a moment. She's forgotten herself.

Matt shakes his head at her with the hint of his sideways smile.

He's boiling inside to wrap his arms around her and carry her to his bed and destroy her body with his own in an exploding burst of fervor. He is also well aware that if he voiced these longings, she would shake her head at him with that wide-eyed innocence that she somehow managed to hold onto from childhood and likely find some way to slip away, flustered and embarrassed that anyone could even imagine such a thing.

He duly notes that she's gulped quietly. "And now," he cogitates, hoping that for once, the limb he climbs out onto won't snap, "I would love it if you would explain to me why _you _keep trying to run away."

She shakes her head with a dry laugh struggling out of her throat and looks up at him. There's a light behind her eyes. "I honestly don't know," she mutters sheepishly. "Old habits die hard, I guess?"

"I don't get you," he says faintly, his head moving slowly from side to side. A pleased smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. Her laugh gains a touch of breathlessness, like laughing at a funeral, as it bursts through her lips. "Your still annoying," she states matter-of-factly. _Its like nothing's changed._ But everything has, all at once.

He watches the curve of her cheek when she looks away timorously, the smile puts a softness behind his eyes, but she doesn't notice. And then he notes the dark red stained just under her left nostril. "Er, Audrey?" She looks up, alarmed at his cautious tone. "Wh-what?" Self-consciousness rings her voice an octave or two higher. Her hand shoots to cover her nose.

"Don't freak out!" Matt tries to reconcile, but his voice comes out just as anxious as hers did. He grabs her hands from her face. "Its no big deal. Your nose is just bleeding."

"It must be the altitude," she jokes with a wavering laugh.


	17. Chapter 17

This story had me stuck for a good while, but finally, the block has bursts, and the seventeenth chapter is full of good stuff. 3 Thanks for all of your reviews, and adds, they continue to remind me that I am not the only insane Matt Lover. (: Enjoy!

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Hal hits the play button on the answering machine.

"_I know someone is on the other end of this fuckin' phone." _The voice is Mail's.

"_Someone who knows what happened is there, I know it. Just fuckin' answer your goddamn phone."_

Hal hits the fast forward button. The next message plays.

"_Dammit!" _He's gotten desperate, Hal notes. _"Dammit, I know you're there! I just need to know what happened! Just tell me what killed Mello... please... just-just fucking tell me!"_ An angry click sounds, like he'd slammed the phone into its receiver. _How like him, _Hal muses, _to use a pay phone._

She shakes her head at the voice pouring from the machine and grabs a notebook that is off to the side. Audrey's name is fading at the top. Hal flips open the book and checks her dates again. _Two days,_ she records, _since Audrey has left. Two days since she wandered out without a word. It would only make sense to assume that she is with him..._

Clicking a short series of buttons, Hal pulls up the outside camera on her screen. She scrolls through the sidebar until she finds the feed from two days ago. _Switch to camera facing the opposite side of the street, and… _She rewinds through the day until she see's Mail turn the corner across from the complex. Pulling up the feed from the reversed camera angle, she see's Audrey. _Always coming back for more, the two of them, _Hal's internal dialogue quips. They leave together, and Hal makes a note of it.

"News?"

Near's voice is a quiet monotone from the floor. Hal grimaces at the complacence, and nods her head. "She is with him, as expected," she says out of the corner of her mouth. There is a whirling sound as a toy helicopter lifts off from the floor. It buzzes over her head. The grimace returns. She turns her chair around to face the pastel boy and leans forward with her elbows on her knees.

"So should we stop them?"

Near looks up, but not at Hal. His dark eyes are following the helicopter around the room. They seem empty; had Hal not known Near all these years, she would conclude him a mental patient, with nothing going on behind the fogged glass and pristine. _No imagination there, _Hal thinks. _Just the nuts and bolts of how things work. Just the gears that make things move, or tick. No imagination at all, just… analysis._ His dull voice breaks her from the train of thought. "They can't be doing anything so calamitous," he muses, dark eyes still following the toy around the ceiling. "His calls have stopped; perhaps he's lost interest in Mihael's death and has moved on with the assistance of the girl."

Hal shakes her head and sweeps the light fringe out of her eyes. "Somehow, I find it doubtful that he'd get over it so quickly."

Near lands the helicopter and turns to his blockade of dice. He adds a few more to the order with a frown. "But all the same, I see no reason to call her home. We will simply wait. If she wanders back, she will. Only if necessary should we act on our assumptions." Near returns to the dice without so much as a shrug.

_No imagination. Just numbers._

Hal wheels her chair around to face the screens again. She checks the date once more, and then the time, and lastly, makes a note of Near's final statement to her. _"Only if necessary should we act on our assumptions."_ There is no indication of danger in Audrey seeing the boy at the moment, Hal concludes.

_And besides, _she tells herself, _what would the mafia possibly use a young woman for? She herself had no connection to Mello, they wouldn't… _Hal makes another note.

Its gotten dark. Another day has slipped without much of any progress.

Hal heaves a quiet sigh and rubs the back of her neck without knowledge that Matt has made the same gesture after pulling his shirt over his head and discarding it in preparation for sleep. Audrey has fallen into sleep on his futon for the second night in a row, and while the girl is far too stubborn to admit when she aches from the less-than-comfortable sleeping arrangement that she's taken to making a habit of, Matt knows from experience that his dingy old futon is not good on anyone's body for more than a night. He drags on his cigarette and resolves that he will do the proper thing and give her his bed in trade for the sofa. Matt stamps the cigarette out in the ashtray on his bedside table and pushes himself up.

Her face is peaceful in her slumber. Matt crouches down to her level and reaches out to shake her awake, but he finds himself stopping short, his hands not shaking her shoulder, just… touching her. In the still quiet of the purgatory that is neither night nor morning, Matt scans Audrey's face with a sense of wondering jealousy, his eyes asking her sleeping form what it must feel like to rest so easily. The idea is almost too much. He shakes her.

"Audrey, wake up." He leans toward her and speaks gently.

"Get up and take my bed. I swear, its way more comfortable…"

She lets out one of those infantile moans at the displeasure of being awoken and bats her hand at him, as if trying to swat away a fly. Matt laughs softly at her and moves to scoop her up, having decided that she will never move on her own accord, and if she is to sleep comfortably, he's going to have to see to it. He lifts her easily enough, with one of his arms under her knees and the other around her back. Her body is warm when it is limp and languid against him, and the feeling of warmth is spreading, like a deep breathe. And he carries her easily enough, as she's marginally smaller than he, by an inch and some ten pounds at least. Even in heavy sleep, her bodyweight feels like nothing. But what isn't easy is setting her down when she's got her arms draped around his neck and her head buried sleepily into his chest.

Matt bends at the waist and sets Audrey's back to his rumpled sheets. He disentangles their limbs from one another and watches her slump back into sound, sound sleep, with a sense of something that he cannot quite put words to dragging down into the hollows of his chest. The warmth is quickly gone when there is no connection to their two bodies.

He tugs the blanket out from underneath her and covers her, wondering if that will be enough to keep the cold away from her for the night, wondering if she ever feels the same kind of lonely cold that he gets in the late, sleepless nights, when rest is over a shadowed cliff that can't be breached.

To dive off that cliff would be to crawl into bed beside her.

To crawl into bed beside her would be to have her warmth.

To have her warmth would be… too much? Not enough?

How would he ever know if he didn't try?

Matt runs his hand over his hair and rubs at his eyes. _How will either of us ever know, _he justifies, _if one of us doesn't just… dive? _And with that in mind, he looks down at Audrey, who has bunched the blankets to her chest the way a child holds a stuffed toy, and he slides back the covers.


	18. Chapter 18

:D After careful re-reading and editing, I think this fluff is just fluffy enough to make all of you beautiful readers and reviewers squeal with Matt-love the way I did when I wrote it. But don't get too cozy there, all.. I've got something up my sleeve that will either leave you loving me or hating me for it 3. I think first, you'll love me, though. Then.. Well, we'll see how things go. Be wary of the next chapter, and watch for a rise in the rating. Yep, it means just what you think it might. Lemony goodness, anyone? I can't help myself. As I said, we shall see! Anyways, onward to the next installment!

-

_It isn't such a big deal, _Matt tells himself as he gazes down at the girl asleep in his bed. _We've known each other for years. It'd be platonic, right? Nothing else…_

He shakes his head and forces his knees to bend in a manner that allows him to sit down on the very edge of the bed. _Stupid, _he thinks. _She's just a girl. _Its hard to tell if the voice in his head is his own or if it has morphed into Mello's sneering drawl. _Just a girl. No reason to run and hide like some great pansy baby. Shut up. Lay down._

Easier said than done. Because quite honestly, being so close to something so sound and vulnerable is harder than a block of cement for Matt. And that it's _her. _That she waltzed back into his life so easily, and that he's done nothing but let himself fall to some stupid heap for her is far harder to confront than anything. It hits harder than any joking blow from Mello. It hits deeper than any stretching, empty night he's ever endured.

_She- this… all of it… it's _everything_._

Mello. His eyes flash in front of Matt's vision; that jaded shade of green that just doesn't seem to ever fade out. (_I'm sorry, Mello… I can't help you anymore. I don't know how to help you when you're gone…)_

Matt brings his legs up onto the bed and leans his back against the wall. He crosses his arms over his chest and closes his eyes. Mello smiles at him from some old memory.

That was the Mello he remembered best; the one that laughed with him and pushed him around the way an older brother would. The one who looked out for him. The one who asked for nothing in return but the companionship. That was the Mello that was taken from him. The Mello that left the rest of the world was a sneering, jeering bastard that was tired of never coming in first.

But that wasn't his Mello.

That wasn't his best friend.

Matt would always remember Mello best as the kid he was forced to share a room with when they were far, far younger. The kid who swore and prayed in the same breath.

Mello was always first to Matt. He'd earned that much. Matt owed him that much.

And Audrey. She was the innocence Mello never had a shot at. She was the half smile and the quiet laugh that Mello was rarely allotted time for. _Funny, _Matt thinks. _They probably would have gotten on great had they given each other the time of day. They do have the same smartass attitude, besides…_

And here, in the shadow of what Mello was and all that Audrey is, Matt no longer feels the need to choose either one or the other. _They could have been about one and the same anyways,_ he smiles. When he looks down at her, he see's his best friend again. Reflected in her peaceful face was the Mello that Matt held so close to his heart for all these years.

Matt slides down and rests his head on the pillow. He scoops Audrey up in his arms and holds her to his chest. She takes to him like a bird to the sky; her arms wrap around his middle, and she buries her head into the crook of his neck.

"Stay with me," he hears her mutter languidly in her sleep. He nods his head and tightens his hold around her.

"I will," he breathes out. "I will." For the time being, there is nothing left between them to conquer. No more arguing, no more excuses. The ghosts have lifted, the walls have crumbled, and there is nothing but the honesty of what is between them left to rely on, the way yellow relies on blue.

He kisses the top of her head and feels her smile softly against his skin.

_This is everything._

_It's not platonic, it's not wrong, it's just _everything.

The warmth is enough to lull him to sleep, and sleep he does; far more peacefully than he ever has.


	19. Chapter 19

I know, I know, it's been months. But, before you stake me, read ahead to the sweet lemon pie that I promise. :3 Don't say I didn't warn you. (;

-

Audrey awakes in the middle of the night to something that is far too warm and smooth to just be the blankets she sleeps under. The vague memory of Matt crawling into bed beside her creeps at the corners of her mind. And then she realizes that she's got an arm draped lazily over his bare chest, and that the crown of her head is nestled into the crook of his neck. For a moment, she's a little stunned. She expects him to wake up and fly out of bed. She expects his eyes to widen with the shock of a kid caught smoking. She would have expected _anything, _really, anything but the slow, languid breathing and the lazy, sleeping dead weight of his body against hers; unflinching.

A small smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. Audrey begins to recall their first moment at this sort of proximity. The lazy drag of his mouth over her shoulder, the tender pressure of his lips that had shocked her nearly into sitting bolt upright, and the warmth, the _warmth _of a human body that has never laid in such a way beside another… the pure heat of him was enough to make snow feel like embers. She feels his chest rise as he takes in a deep breath. And then, she feels him stiffen as he holds it in.

Curiosity impends on her. She lifts her head upward.

Matt's eyes are looking straight ahead, into the pooling shadows on the ceiling, and he is quiet, and still, as if he's never slept a day in his life. Like his eyes are those of a statue that has never known the pleasures of snow-light touches that feel like embers. Audrey's eyebrows pull together and she tilts her head into his shoulder to better look at him. Matt notices. He closes his eyes and lets out his breath.

They remain quiet for a moment, testing the waters, seeing if they are both okay with being where they are, seeing if they can be okay with being awake while being where they are, each expecting the other to sit up, mutter some sort of apology, and make their leave.

But neither move, or even breathe too deeply, for a long, long moment. Matt is the first to speak, as he usually is. It is a slow, quiet drawl; a question that has needed answering for quite some time now.

"Is this," he says heavily, "what you want, Audrey?"

She swallows down the uncertain knot in her throat. _Of course, _she cranes her neck, _this is what I want. _Her mouth hovers over that tender breadth of lurid skin, _this is what I've always wanted, _that is the hollow at the base of his jaw. "Yes," she breathes out. "Yes, Matt…. yes."

"Say it," he strains. He is gritting his teeth down on each other. _God, I need to hear her say it. _God, _I need her. I need her. I _need _her._

"I want this, Matt," she implores. "I've wanted this since before I can remember, I've always wanted this, and you, and -" One by one, words get lost as she closes the distance between her mouth and his warm, warm skin.

Matt closes his eyes when she drops her lips to the skin of his neck. He closes his eyes and tightens his grip about her waist and slips his hands under her loose t-shirt in one fluid, impassive movement. A deep breath draws into his lungs, and is loosly expelled when she kisses the side of his neck again. Matt doesn't open his eyes. He moves his hands over the curves of her back, just _feeling, _the way a blind man might. God knows he's been blind, God only knows…

She kisses the base of his neck; that gentle slope where his shoulder begins, and Matt nods his head slowly.

"Good," he breathes. "Good, because -"

Her mouth moves a little more adventurously to his collarbone. He is rendered momentarily breathless.

"B-because, I don't know how you'll expect me to stop after this point."

Audrey's listless kisses drag to a stop at the center of his shoulder. Matt thinks he feels a timid smile crack the corners of her lips, and he is uncertain for a lengthy moment if her quiet comes from fright, or nervousness, or the same brand of dizzying, intoxicating _need _that is blooming over his skin. She moves her hands up his arms, holding his forearms in place around her, and she nods, pouring her gray eyes into his, like an oil spill in a swamp. It is a leaden motion, but its enough.

Matt bends his neck and crushes his lips to hers, which are, in fact, smiling softly, with a glint of excitement floating in her half-lidded eyes.

Dear God, he kisses her. He kisses her like a man who has never shared lips with a genuine woman before. He kisses her like his life is going to end if he stops. And she returns the gesture, feeling every bit of broken down, shattering _want_ the way he does, if not ten times more fierce, as the embrace goes on and gives way.

And give way it does, like water gushing out of a cracked dam. He holds her close and opens his mouth to her.

Hesitation is lost between limbs and lips that wrap and take, to each his own. There is no give and take, but a mutal receiving of things that have been a long, long time coming.

Hands to hips and lips to lips. And things are give, give, _giving._

Giving way to his hands smoothing up her legs, under the hem of the oversized t-shirt she stole to sleep in, over her thighs. Giving way to her legs twining over top of his, to the touch of something that is electrified to full attention to something that is giving itself away for the want, and the need, and the _Sweet God, have mercry, _because he's touching her gently, his hand between her thighs at the center of something raw and untapped, and so warm, warmth everywhere, and so full of breathless _need -_

Audrey throws her head back with something between a gasp and a groan. Her lips fall apart, just the way the rest of her is. Matt bends his head and moves his lips over the flushed skin of her neck, to her ear where he lays quiet, flurried words of apologies and confessions between kisses and groans. With hands that are light and heavy at the same time, he strokes her carefully, cups her carefully, holds her carefully until she's moving against his hand, grasping him, holding him, touching absolutely anything she can keep her hands on.

Glory God, he needs her. He needs every movement of her skin, and every sound out of her mouth, and the shade of dizzy gray that covers her eyes when he touches her. And touch her he does, because she's putty in his hands, and he's trespassing on something beautifully virginal, but he's not sure it matters anymore, he's not sure anything matters anymore, because she's touching him, too, and it's all he has not to lose his mind in her hands.

It's all he has not to lose his mind here. But _God, _the way she's on edge puts him on edge, too, and if this keeps up, they'll both fall off a cliff they won't be able to breech ever again.

Their lips meet in a blind rush. And they are both thinking, _maybe that would just be okay._


	20. Chapter 20

_A/N: _Forgive me. Please, dear readers, forgive me, for it has been far too long since I've lost myself in lovely Matt fandom. But! Do you like lemons? Hmm? Because I like lemons, and I like angst-y, Matt-ridden lemons, and I've re-written this one several times over the past few months, but I finally think it's good enough for you, the beautiful public. Did I mention this is a lemon? A really juicy one? Oh, you didn't, know? Well, this is a big, fat lemon. Don't say I didn't warn you. Note the rating change? You did? Good reader. :3 Bon apetite.

* * *

Her eyes are puddles of gray, like rain on the road, and they melt into his with the fuzzy blindness of a lover who is just learning as she goes. It's almost too much for Matt to meet those dizzy eyes without a trace of guilt telling him that he does not belong there with her, in a moment of lost and pure intimacy that is so honest, and so close, and so… everything that he is not.

But she kisses him. Audrey pulls his face down to hers and tentatively takes his mouth, with her hands holding him there, with her heart praying he'll take what she offers, her body shuddering to his touch. Matt whimpers into the embrace. His hands clutch at the sheets to stop themselves from stealing over her body again. He'd surely lose himself, he's surely losing himself. He can't deny her anymore. He does not belong here, this moment cannot be his, he knows this cannot be his, but he's stealing it this time, for all of those other times when he let someone else have it. All of these brushes of skin and tastes of flesh are all his wrongdoing, his undoing, and he is guilty, guilty, and he cannot deny her anymore. All of these little pieces make up his crime, and he cannot deny her anymore.

His fingertips hook into her undergarments, and tug them downward a little: an ask for permission without words, a final stand, a last chance for one of them to turn back. The roughed pad of his thumb moves against her hipbone. Her eyes flutter shut and there's an exchange of involuntary movements as response. The air feels too thick to breathe. Neither breathes.

"Ah- Audrey, I- I need you."

It's a strained sound against flushed skin between tangles of limbs and heat. A breathless quiet, a silent decision-making.

Audrey's vision blinks blind, like a person in an overexposed photograph. They fall still. His breath is heavy against her bare shoulder. His hips are heavy against hers. He might break her, oh, God, he could break her so easily. Matt's body is a shaking. Sweet God, he is so guilty. He'll ruin her, for certain, and he'd be so guilty of it.

"Mm - I - ah, God, Matt, I -"

"Say you need me, too, please, need this as much as I do -"

_Tell me I'm not the only one making an offense here, tell me it won't ruin you, tell me -_

The length of him is heavily settled into her most virginal corridor; she can feel him, oh, dear God she can _feel _him. Clothing inches away until it falls useless to the bedside.

"Matt, I need you, _I need you_," she breathes, frantic, shaking. "Here, now, like this, I need you, -"

Barren, flustered, barely breathing, her hands push down at the waistband of his sweatpants. His hands smooth up her sides, taking the too-big-t-shirt with them, lifting it over her head. There's a catch of breath as exposed skin meets so completely for the first time.

"God, _have _me, have all of me, _please _-"

Dual sides push, and then collide.

He presses into her, and his head falls into the cradle of her neck with a strangled groan forcing its way up his throat. And this is what the patience wears down to. This is what the crime builds up to. This is what every passing glance and all the would-have-should-haves break down on; this raw, shattering togetherness that neither has ever felt before.

And this is _everything._

He touches her; runs his hand up the curve of her waist, and over the slope of her breast, and he breathes in deeply, bracing himself for another push. Matt's eyes have blacked over; there is only the feeling of her. The only parts of him that exist are the parts that her body touches. And he presses further. A stifled _something_ erupts from the gap between Audrey's parted lips.

There is a moment of sheer, beautiful quiet as their hips finally meet. Matt's eyes are squeezed shut. Audrey can barely breathe. The air is so thick, she can barely see. Matt is luminescent over her, inside of her, all around her; that's all she can see. She looks up at him, and reaches her hand up to touch his cheek. He's glowing, like light through broken glass.

Matt moves his face against her palm. He bites his bottom lip and moves outwards, almost completely, just to slide all the way back to start in a grating explosion of absolute _feeling. _

Audrey's hands grip his hips with a helpless groan of something she can no longer control escaping her opened mouth. This sort of collision is the strangest brand of ecstasy she ever could have imagined. At once, there is pushing, and pulling, and pressing, and _oh, _God, his hands are smooth and soft and gentle, and it's everything, everything, _everything _when he bends his neck to move his mouth against hers, with muttered words getting lost in between, and heavy breaths carrying them away.

Somehow, they've gained a rhythm. With each push, she takes him deeper and pulls him further from the ridge of sanity that he's been clinging to. In a flurry of weighted exhales and shakes of the head, Matt catches her eye, and lets out a shaking moan. She's too much, this is all too much, but God, is it _beautiful._

It's everything he ever wanted to be right, everything he ever needed, and damn, does it feel just so good, damn does it feel just so _right _to give in to her.

Audrey's eyes are a muddled shade of something he can't place his finger on. They flit from open to close, from one side of his face to the other, and wince shut. A wave of hammering, guilty need washes over his body in a sweat that blooms hot and cold all over. He stops his movements, waits for her head to loll toward him and for her eyes to unclench themselves, drops the crown of his head into the crook of her neck and brushes his lips over the pale expanse of skin the stretches over her sharp shoulders.

"Talk to me, baby."

Matt's words are a strained whisper to her flushed skin. He doesn't mean to sound like he's pleading, but that's the way it comes out. His breathing comes out jagged and short, and dear God, he is just so desperate for her to need this the way he does. It wouldn't be right if she didn't need this, too, it wouldn't be right, if she didn't need him the way he needed her. God, he would be trespassing, God, he would be stealing.

And then, while searching the storm clouds of her eyes, something occurred to him: why is it that Mello could preach until he was blue in the face, but it took _this_ moment for him to believe in anything? Matt found himself nearly _praying_ right there. He found himself nearly babbling to something he didn't have faith in, in hopes that she would start to believe in him, and the way he felt, and the way _they _felt, and _God, _it's getting to be too much.

Her voice is a quiet, hoarse sound. She says, "I - oh, _God, _Matt, I can't -"

Alarm. Pure, terrifying alarm. "Can't? Can't what?" The word sends his body to a standstill. _Can't? _The world stops moving. A panicked dread tightens all of his muscles.

"What, what is it, tell me what to do, I -"

"No," she breathes. "No, no, everything's, oh, God, everything is -"

Her head falls back again, dark hair fanning the pillow, chest rising and falling rapidly. Helplessly, Matt shakes his head, muttering _tell me what to do_ to the curve and peak of her breast, his hands asking for her to need this the way he does, her heart on her sleeve saying _God, yes._

Matt wraps an arm around the small of her back, using the other to support himself. He focuses on her face, on her eyes, he's pleading with her. Her hips angle upwards; he moves himself inside of her. Her eyes spring open, the muddled gray alive with a glorious shining. Some delicious groan catches his name as it slides out of her lips. "Is this okay?" He's so ardent, he needs her to need this, and sweet Mary, she's _glowing, _sweet Jesus, he _needs _this -

"_Ohh, God, _Matt -"

And it's too much. Soon enough, he's crashing against her like waves on rocks, driving them both closer to something that feels just out of reach. Soon enough, he's losing his mind against her. Soon enough, she's doing the same. And soon enough, the sopranos are building on each other in a blinding white finale that sends the pair convulsing and shuddering into one another like there's nothing left in the world to hold on to but each other.

Matt collapses in a shuddering heap with his head burrowed into her shoulder and sweat blooming over his body. His ragged breath hitting her skin. Audrey's labored breathing slows down in his ears. Her hands find a soft refuge over his skin. He can hear her heart pound, and there isn't a sound he would rather hear in the world, ever again.

_If I'm a thief, than she's a liar, and fuck, isn't it just wonderful?_

"Beautiful," Matt breathes. It's the only word he can hear at that moment, and its repeating itself, on loop in his head. "God, just beautiful.."

Audrey lets out a breathless chuckle and her eyes close. His skin is warm, just so warm against hers, like there's a glowing fire running through his veins. They lie there together, really together, with nothing between them but an emanating warmth, and they carry each other away to rest on soft breathes and quiet expels of breath.

The room seems to fill up with the musty scent of what they just gave to each other. And Matt realizes he's just made a beautiful mess out of her. Disentangling himself, he is met with mutters of protest from Audrey's lurid mouth and lazy, pulling hands. He drops his lips over her cheek, the corner of her mouth, down her neck, he tells her he's coming, he's coming right back, and he reaches an arm over the side of the bed and fumbles for some fabric.

Maybe it's a t-shirt, maybe it's his sweatpants, Matt can't really tell, but whatever it is, he slips it between Audrey's oleander legs. He lays his head in the cradled hammock of her hips, runs his fingers softly over the skin of her thigh, kisses her stomach, kisses her chest, kisses her lips.

He tugs the bed sheet up and drapes it over them, moving his body up close beside hers. His arms wrap around her, her skin presses against his.

Time doesn't exist. The hallway outside of his apartment door doesn't exist. In her glow, there is no past, and no future, just the present promise of dreamless sleep.

The nothingness that they slip into together is everything either ever could have wanted.

* * *

_A/N: _Well? Worth the wait? :3


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